Library fun!

So, I had my mom drop me off at our library yesterday (I can't drive until March because I had a seizure, which sucks so bad), and in between avoiding the new librarian who happens to be this bitch who dated my friend, I snuck into the kid's room and got tons of new stuff, including a few Gymnasts books! I'm so excited that they still had those (our library is really small, so they have the habit of getting rid of all the old books to make room for new ones, so all of the Girl Talk books are gone, but don't worry, I still have a few of mine), that I am going to save the Dream Phone boys for a while and write up about the Pinecones. It will probably take me like 20 minutes to read it, so look for a new post def by tonight. Pinecones 4-ever!

Sighting!

OMG you guys, I was watching Full House today and guess who was a guest star? Sharon Cherski (real name: Devon Odessa)! I would love to do posts on episodes of My So-Called Life, but I just can't bring myself to snark on something that's so genuinely good. I had the same problem last night, I was going to read a Judy Blume book, but I couldn't find one to make fun of (I remembered about Forever today, so as soon as I find my copy I'm so posting, and I don't own Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret so I totes need to go to the library). But anyway, I was way excited about a MSCL cast member appearance that wasn't Angela or Brian Krakow, and the commercials I keep on seeing about a Bring It On marathon weekend on ABC Family. If there's no good Lifetime movies on, I'm so watching it all. I can't help it, I think I love bad movies and books more than good ones.

So, coming up soon: The good, the bad, and the ugly boys you can call on your Dream Phone, a ridiculous Girl Talk book, possibly some 80's Degrassi, a truly awful Full House Stephanie book, and the best 80's preteen anorexia book EVER.

Time for me to find my favorite Lip Smacker!

My Super Magic Diary!

Sometimes when I'm bored I search around on Ebay for toys I used to have. Tonight I happened to find the Dear Diary electronic diary. Remember that thing? It was light purple and had swirly things on it. Everyone who was anyone in my 5th and 6th grade classes had one. I wanted one so bad, and was so happy when I received one for Christmas. Man that thing sucked! You couldn't use it in class because it beeped every time you hit a button, the password could only be 4 letters long, and it had basically no memory. I actually still have it, mostly because I can't get rid of anything from my childhood...*guiltily looks at the stacks of BSC and SVH books on shelf*...

Anyway, the Dear Diary sucked, so the next year for Christmas I set my sights high on Casio's My Super Magic Diary. Now that thing was cool! You could mute the sound so you could play with it in class, it had a pet dog you could raise from a puppy, then make it go on a date when it was an adult and if the date was successful you'd get a new puppy, a wardrobe planner (so I could keep track of what colors of spandex pants I was wearing that week), a fortune teller, and the ability to send messages to other My Super Magic Diaries. I do recall my friend Jenny having just a plain old Magic Diary and we'd try to send messages, even putting our diaries right up next to each other, and they never worked. That sucked, but what sucked more was that mine died some time after that and refused to turn on again. I had the battery changed and everything, and it still wouldn't work. I guess I shouldn't have been cocky about the fact that I had the Super Magic Diary and not just the Magic Diary.

I'd totally still play with My Super Magic Diary if it worked. Also, if I can locate my Tamagotchi (everyone had one in 6th grade, I had to be put on the waiting list at our local Toys R Us), I will totes play with it in class. I can't help it, chocolate chip shaped poo amuses me.

What toy was the shit in everyone else's adolescence?

Vote early, vote often!

Hey everyone! To the right you will see a poll for the lamest character in SVH/BSC. Voting ends sometime in February because that's what the poll was set to and I'm lazy, and we will then crown our Queen of Lameness!

And the nominees are:

Elizabeth Wakefield - Elizabeth's life consists of being her twin Jessica's doormat, writing for The Oracle, and not having sex with her longtime boyfriend Todd. Elizabeth loves to put polos and khakis on her perfect size six figure, and basically is a huge yawn. She likes to stick her nose in everyone's business (Elizabeth Wakefield Buttinsky) and thinks she has to solve everyone's problems. She is also way judgmental. Her best friend is Enid, who is running against her for Queen of Lameness. Saving her from being automatically the Queen are the times when she got in a motorcycle accident and starting slutting it up with Bruce Patman, getting piss drunk at the Jungle Prom (though not intentionally, damn it), having a secret fling with Ken Matthews (Anyone remember that book, because I can't. Or was it just in her diary?), getting fat in college (she's human, guys!), and taking down crazy William White. Elizabeth promises polos with matching barrettes to all if she wins.

Enid Rollins - Oh, Enid. You had to be a druggie ho before you got to SVH, thus never letting us see the cool side of you. Instead of providing comic relief with your drugged up antics, Enid became Elizabeth's sidekick. As if that wasn't bad enough, Enid wasn't even hot like Elizabeth. Enid deserves props for being able to tell the difference between Elizabeth and Margo/Nora, though. If she wins, Enid will make special vitamins for redheads available at your local Dairi Burger!

Penny Ayala - Man, I hate Penny. Enid sucks, and Elizabeth's self-righteousness is annoying, but Penny is a straight up bitch. Penny doesn't give a damn about anything except meeting deadlines for The Oracle. She doesn't show up in the books much, but when she does she is always in the middle of removing the stick from her ass. As far as I know, Penny isn't on any of the covers, nor has she been described in detail, but I always pictured her as Nancy from Degrassi Junior High/High. You know, chubby, mom hair, and a face that's not a day over 30. Either that or she's Joanne, Cloooooooooooode's one friend. She sucks both ways. Penny promises to spellcheck your IM's if she's elected as your queen.

Penny?

Mallory Pike - With her numerous gross siblings, dates at the card catalog with Ben, braces, grandfather's nose, frizzy red hair, and glasses, Mallory is a shoe-in for the Queen of Lameness. In fact, I don't really have any redeeming qualities about her. Even the other BSC members don't really want to be with her. It's true, read the books closely sometime (I think Kristy says something to that effect on one of the first pages of the first Super Special in the Friends Forever series. I nearly pissed my pants laughing.). Mallory likes to write stories, which can be cool, but the stories she writes are just so stupid. Rainy Days and Froggy Nights, anyone? Even though it's not stated in the books, it's my firm belief that Mallory has B.O., a mustache, and twigs and leaves in her hair. Basically she's a beast. I guess the only good thing she brings to the table is that she's so pathetic that everything she says or does cracks me up. A Mallory book is always a guaranteed comedy! If Mallory wins your votes, she promises to never wear a bikini in public. Hell, she's got my vote!

So get voting, and let's crown our queen!

Degrassi pics from AJ's Degrassi Universe - http://www.fu-manchu.com/degrassi/default.asp

EDIT: Penny does have a cover!

Man she looks like a bitch, you can totally tell she's tapping her foot, too. Snaps for me for guessing the mom hair correctly, and thanks to LadyJ3000 for letting me know about the book! I don't own this one, nor have I read it. I think I need to make my New Year's resolution be to read all the older SVH books (the ones before they all became 2-3 book arcs). Looks like it's time for me to go to the library or thrift stores!

BSC VHS - #1 Mary Anne and the Brunettes

Okay, so I'm a lame-o nerd, but with the help of Amazon and Ebay, I've been slowly adding on to my BSC VHS collection. No, I'm not talking about the movie that was in the theatres (though I have that too), but the television show that ran in the early 90's. I can barely remember watching it early mornings on the weekend on HBO, and then a few years later on the Disney Channel. My brother got me Dawn and the Dream Boy when I was around 7 or 8, and I fucking loved it. I pretty much memorized it. Years later, I found one for 50 cents at a video store (it's a Claudia tape, I can't remember what it's called but it's hella lame) and had to buy it. Now my collection is up to 6 tapes out of the original 13. Lame? Yes, but this show is so cheesy it makes fun of itself. I find myself being alternately disgusted by and in love with it.

Anyway, even though I watched the show when I was little, I never could figure out when it was on, and my family wouldn't tell me because I think they'd die if they heard the theme song coming from my Dawn and the Dream Boy tape one more time. So, some of these episodes on tape I may be seeing for the first time.

Oh yeah, and the theme song? Still know all the words.

You can always count on me
And I can count on you
Good times, bad times, in between
My friends will see me through
We'll be sharing wonderful times everyday
All together singing our song, growing in every way
Say hello to your friends
Baby-sitters Club!

And so on and so forth.

Okay, so here's my first viewing of episode #1 Mary Anne and the Brunettes!

Holy crap, all the actresses are so young looking compared to the later eps. Kristy's voice is still annoying, though ("Mary Aaaanne"). Some other things that bothered me about the actresses were that Claudia doesn't look Japanese at all, Kristy has braces in some episodes, Stacey's hair is hideous, and Jessi looks more biracial, even though the books remind us every time that she's black. I almost forgot, though. Mallory is perfection, as usual. Well, if perfection means you have a huge fro and even bigger glasses, then she's exquisite. I have to take a screencap and make it the background of this blog.

OMG, Logan! So ugly! He has some crappy bowl cut type thing going on, and an even crappier accent. Anyway, the club is going to the mall with Logan. Kristy and Logan go off to do manly things and catch the eyes of three hos at the makeup counter. I guess the hos are the equivalent of Cokie, Grace, and the other one, but they're named something else in the show. Damn it, Cokie's my ho, too.

So Main Ho tells Logan she's getting skates for her birthday and wantds to know his opinion on them. Logan is a hick so he doesn't know anything about skates, but Main Ho insists. She flirts with him and gets him to meet her later on. Kristy pauses in swinging baseball bats and overhears everything.

Sometime later the club is all rollerskating at this outdoor thing, and Kristy tells Mary Anne about Main Ho's evil plans. But wait! Main Ho skates up and asks Mary Anne where Logan is, because he was supposed to meet her there at 2. Ouch! Stacey, Claudia, and Dawn name the 3 hos the Brunettes, not because they have brown hair (they do), but because they're fans of Logan Bruno. Shut up, Stacey, Claudia, and Dawn. Kristy convinces them all to spy on Logan and Main Ho.

School library! Kristy, Stacey, her ugly perm, and Claudia are spying on Logan and Main Ho from behind a bookshelf, except all the books in front of their faces are removed and they're not even whispering, so it's totes obvs. Logan is showing Main Ho some math problems or something. Scandalous!

There's some useless scene where Dawn makes her chemistry thing bubble and overflow. No idea why it's there, but I laughed my ass off.

Outside of school, Kristy is trying to convince Mary Anne to confront Logan about Main Ho. Um, Kristy? You're talking to Mary Anne, here. She doesn't confront anyone. Mallory hangs around them in hopes to catch some normal facial features. No such luck.

Mary Anne is sitting in her room, practicing what she's going to say to Logan. She sucks at it, and I laugh. Forget the speech, Mary Anne, and just be like, "Hey, Logan, what's up with you and Main Ho?" Short, sweet, and to the point. I win. Dawn comes in and blabbers on about how happy she is that they're sisters and blah blah blah.

Logan asks Mary Anne the next day if she wants him to babysit with her. She acts like a huge bitch and tells him that he'd rather go to the party with Main Ho, so he should forget about babysitting with her. Mary Anne needs some Midol.

Big sign announcing that this scene is the Stoneybrook Middle School Carnival! Yay! Wait, why are all the little kids there, then? I'd only let Jackie Rodowsky in because he's played by Little Pete, but that's just me. Claudia paints faces of little kids, including making Little Pete the Joker from Batman. She should've made him Artie. Everyone plays some dumb games, including this one where they pass apples to people using their necks. I totally thought everyone was making out at first, no joke. Then I saw the apples and was sorely disappointed. Main Ho passes her apple to Logan as Mary Anne glares in the background. Then there's some game where you have to throw pies at Mallory. No, seriously! This is the best game ever! As Mary Anne comes up, Main Ho tells her that Logan is a good kisser. She ends up with a pie in the face! Holy crap, it was awesome! I had to rewind the tape and watch it again. Everyone laughs, including me and the other two hos.

Mary Anne babysitting Little Pete and his brothers. Logan stops by and wrestles with Little Pete and Mary Anne bitches about how he just had a big snack and Logan should've asked before barging in and wrestling. Easy there, killer! Logan says maybe he'll go the party then, and Mary Anne says maybe he should. He leaves, and Little Pete, who is seven, asks Mary Anne if she likes Logan then why did she tell him to leave? It's sad when a seven year old is thinking more intelligently than you.

For some reason the club and the hos are at a park or something. The hos are dressed as hippies, and the BSC are all football players. Bet Kristy had nothing to do with that one. Also, why did Stacey agree to this costume? She has a helmet over her massive perm and everything. I'm so sure. The BSC tells off the hos for something and sprays them with a hose. Main Ho is not having a good day, what with a pie in the face and now a hose. Haha, hose for the hos! Shut up.

Logan stops by the Rodowskys, but Little Pete says that Mary Anne left 15 minutes ago. I love you, Danny Tamberelli.

The BSC heads over to the aforementioned party. The football uniform isn't doing anything for Mallory's feminity. Mary Anne arrives at the party first and asks Main Ho if Logan is there. Main Ho says Logan's a jerk and he stood her up. After seeing the party, which consists of a bunch of nerdy looking kids dancing outside to random techno-y 90s music in mid-afternoon, I don't blame him. He probably went to go watch Nascar or something.

The club stops by the Rodowskys and asks for Mary Anne. Little Pete tells them they just missed her. He's missing his two front teeth. Awwww.

Mary Anne and Logan run into each other, literally, outside. Logan is looking hot in his acid wash jean jacket and purple collared shirt. Not. They walk and talk and make up and it's all completely 8th grade and therefore lame. Logan's teeth are very large and yellow. They agree to always talk about their feelings and crap. The club comes running around the corner with Kristy screaming that Logan is a rat. She stops when she sees him and eats her words. All is well now in Stoneybrook, and the episode ends. Theme song!

Holy crap, if I had seen that episode before any of the others, even my 7 year old self would've given up on the show. This sucked hardcore, but still not as bad as Dawn Saves the Trees.

EDIT: Holy crap, I found screencaps! They, and many many others, can be found at http://www.dibbly-fresh.com/

Here are some of my favorites!

Non-Japanese Claudia, Stacey, and Stacey's hair

Biracial Jessi

The 3 Hos. Main Ho is the one with her eyes closed.

Logan

I totally don't see Stacey and Claudia spying on Logan and Main Ho!

Little Pete

Kristy, Claudia, Stacey, Jessi, and Dawn in their football uniforms

Main Ho taking a pie to the face

And last, but not least...

Mallory (and Stacey)

One Last Wish: All the Days of Her Life

First of all, I suck at posting. Doesn't matter right now because only my boyfriend reads this, and I highly doubt even that. Anyway, moving on...

For those of you not familiar with Lurlene McDaniel, she writes books about teenagers with terminal illnesses. Fun! Okay, so they're all pretty much depressing, and some of the language used sounds like it could definitely have come from a woman named Lurlene (like continuously calling asses fannies), but they're pretty good nonetheless. She had done many standalone books, and also a collection called One Last Wish, which had the same premise as the other books except the terminally ill teenager was sent an anonymous letter and check for $100, 000 from the One Last Wish Foundation. Sweet! Within this collection of books were another collection about 3 friends; Katie, Chelsea, and Lacey. Each girl has her own book, and there are two books of the three when they are together. The books aren't numbered, but they do have a chronological order, this one being the second to last in the collection, and about Lacey. I didn't feel like doing the books in order because I like Lacey the best, so there.

Okay, first of all, Lacey kicks ass. She's so my ho. Lacey is the typical aloof ice queen in many ways, but she never takes shit from anyone and has some awesome comebacks. Lacey has diabetes, though, and mega issues surrounding accepting that fact. I don't really know how she can ignore the fact that she has to give herself injections everyday, but whatever. She probably just says something nasty to the syringe and goes for it.

So Lacey has been packing on the pounds, which distresses her because she is starting to work on her high school's play and the hottest guy in school, Todd, is the play's star. Lacey has a huge boner for Todd, which I don't understand because he's an enormous asshole (and possibly in the closet), but whatevs. However, Lacey has to compete for Todd's affection with another girl in her high school, a part time model named Monet. I guess that means her pictures must be taken from far away. Monet is a stank ass ho, for real, and a conceited bitch to boot. I kind of love her.

Anyway, Lacey has hidden her diabetes from everyone, and then starts messing around with her insulin doses to lose weight. Smart! Her ex lover, I guess, Jeff also has transferred schools and is now at the University of Miami, conveniently located by Lacey. Jeff is creepy as all hell and basically says really uncomfortable things letting Lacey know he wants to tap that ass. Lurlene tries to play it off as endearing and unrequited love, but he's really a few steps away from registering as a sex offender. He also is a hemophiliac, but has the annoying tendency to refer to himself as a "bleeder" every third sentence. Um, Jeff? Constantly reminding a girl who avoids her own disease that you aren't perfect in the health area is not the way to get into her pants. Just saying, buddy.

Lacey basically tries her best to avoid Jeff, and I can't say I blame her, and hangs out with another girl who is working on the play named Terri. Terri loves chocolate, and context clues refer that it loves her back. She mentions chocolate and food about as often as Jeff calls himself a bleeder. I bet they could have some bloody and delicious conversations. She also thinks Todd sucks and that Monet is a stank ass ho, so she's cool in my book. Lacey doesn't disclose her illness to Terri, who in turn takes her out and proceeds to stuff her face with lobster, steak, and ice cream. Terri rocks.

So Lacey hides in the bathroom during play rehearsals one night and gives herself her lower insulin injection. During this, Monet comes in fresh off a beer and pizza dinner date with Todd, and proceeds to barf up her meal. Lacey confronts her, and Monet tells her to grow up, because I guess concern about bulimia is immature. Monet then spots the syringe in Lacey's hand and accuses her of doing drugs. Lacey is so dumb, she could've put the syringe back in her purse after using it, but noooooo. Lacey lies and tells Monet that she has allergies and takes shots to build up resistance, which I totally wouldn't believe, but Monet buys it and basically tells Lacey that if she's cool she'll keeping the pukefest a secret. Lacey agrees to, which seems unlike her character, because the Lacey I love doesn't do favors for anyone. Oh well.

Lacey introduces puking into her weight loss regimen, and combined with not taking enough insulin, feels sick as all hell. Todd apparently likes his women to look ill, though, and asks her out. He takes her to a college party and basically gets drunk and hits on other girls and ignores her. Real catch there, Lacey. As if it wasn't already the date from hell, Jeff is at the party. After reminding Lacey that he is a bleeder and creepily hitting on her, he gives her a ride home because Todd is way too drunk to drive. He probably slept with some guy after she left, but we'll never know. Todd is way pissed the next day about Lacey leaving with another guy (though he'd feel sorry for her if he met Jeff) and proceeds to dump her, or whatever it's called after you've had one date and don't want to see the other person again. Lacey is disappointed, but plays it off in front of Terri that it's no big deal.

Dress rehearsal time! Lacey is in charge of makeup, specifically Todd's makeup, and he smells her puke breath and asks her if she painted her fingernails recently. I tend to believe that he was just asking because he wanted to borrow her nail polish, but whatevs. Lacey starts feeling gross again, and passes out.

So she wakes up 3 days later and finds out she went into a diabetic coma. Even worse, now everyone at school knows about her illness. Still worse, Terri informs her that Todd is taking puke breath Monet to the prom. Thanks, Terri. Yet the ultimate worst part of her hospital experience is that Jeff comes to visit her, and announces that he's a hemophiliac. Really, Jeff? I had no clue! If only Todd could be as open about his sexuality as Jeff is about being a bleeder. Lacey refuses to tell her doctor, who is also her uncle, how she could have gotten so sick and why her esophagus is irritated, and is rewarded with a few week long vacation in the lovely hospital! Grand!

After psychiatric evaluation and a bajillion tests, she admits screwing around with her insulin dosage and barfing up her dinners. She is eventually let out of the hospital, and now the reader is supposed to ponder over what will become of her relationship with Jeff. I guess we were supposed to feel the chemistry between them and hope for them to get together or something. I, however, did no such pondering, and just wanted that lame ass bleeder to get the hell out. No such luck, they remain friends for now, and will let the future decide on their dating status. Run while you can, Lacey!

Here's the cover of my copy because Amazon only had a picture of the new edition. Please excuse the huge fold across Lacey's face. Anyway, Lacey looks pretty hot to me, and not in the least bit overweight like she feels she is in the book. She looks kind of exasperated, but that's probably because Jeff just told her he's a hemophiliac for the 9000th time. Jeff is exactly how I pictured him: skinny, pale, and creepy. He even has creepy wavy bangs and sideburns. Notice his tight grip on Lacey's shoulder, too.

Coming up soon: Lacey, Katie, and Chelsea meet up again, and Jeff lands in the hospital. Everyone is shocked to learn that it's because he's a hemophiliac. Also, some Baby-sitters Club goodness, with a little Sweet Valley High thrown in. Awesome.

First post

After reading all the wonderful snarky blogs out there about childhood things, I decided to start my own. Here, I will be discussing anything: toys, books, movies, TV shows, fashion, you name it.

So, what gives me the right to do this? I not only rocked the spandex pants a significant portion of my childhood, but I rocked the neon spandex pants. I was, essentially, a walking highlighter and I thought I was the shit.

While blinding everyone with my outfits, I spent my time reading any crappy 80's and 90's book I could get my hands on, counting the days until TGIF and SNICK, collecting Polly Pockets, and calling all the cute boys on my Dream Phone. Oh yeah, I was cool.

Anything goes here, just leave a comment if you have something you'd like me to write about or anything. Hope you enjoy this, and if you don't, then you're a geekburger. Ha.