Monday, March 9, 2009

Girl Talk #11 Mixed Feelings

So the first weekend of posting bonanza turned into a sleeping and watching Popular bonanza. It happens.

Now I'm at the bf's, armed with a bunch of books hidden at the bottom of my bag and ready to go!

As you all may know, I love Sabrina from Girl Talk. She's just so awesome. It was hard trying to decide between a Sabrina book, which I will love, or a Randy or Allison book, which I will love to make fun of. I thought this book was initially about Sabrina, because she's on the front cover rocking some red jazz shoes, but it's about Katie. I don't really have any feelings either way about Katie, so we'll see how this shit goes.

So Katie is in the locker room, getting ready for a hockey game. She has to change in the visitor's one because she's a girl. She hears some laughing and notices a hole in the wall. Instead of being pissed or disturbed, she laughs. The hell? I think I may like Katie more now, she's got major ho potential! She squirts some water in the hole to drench whoever the perv is, and then goes out onto the ice.

Apparently the perv was Scottie Silver, who, if memory serves me correctly, was the big crush in the book Face Off, where Katie initially joins the team. The coach announces there's a new player joining. Hey, it's Michel! I never read this particular book, but I know that bitch! He's a French Canadian (oui oui!), so he pretty much will smoke their asses at hockey. In fact, the coach says he's so awesome that he doesn't even need to try out. Katie thinks he's hot and probably wishes that he was the one spying on her. Michel kicks ass at practice, even though no one goes near him. Practice ends, and after changing Katie and the other guys get a chance to talk to Michel. Michel is surprised that Katie is a girl, since the other players call her K.C. on the ice. Um, Michel? Casey can be a girl's name, too. Kind of like Michelle. Katie gets ready for some sexual harassment, but it doesn't come. The coach tells them there's a big game coming up against the Minneapolis Mongols. I try to figure out whether that team name is PC or not.

Sabrina and Katie walk to Sabrina's house after practice. I don't know where Sabrina came from, but I'm glad she's here. Sabrina, of course, loves Michel and his French Canadian-ness. Katie doesn't say anything. She sucks. Michel catches up to them and walks with them. He says a lot of random French words, which kind of annoys me, since everything else he says is in English so obviously he can speak it. Pick a language, Michel! The random French words make Sabrina's panties all wet. Michel goes to his house, and Katie and Sabrina continue on to Sabrina's house. They run into Randy and Allison the bore, and Katie is surprised because she didn't know they would be there. Hmm, Katie mentioned her birthday being two weeks away in the beginning of the book and now Randy and Snore are showing up randomly to Sabrina's house. I predict a surprise party.

More secretive shit goes on that I don't care about, and Allison says she has to leave because it's her father's birthday. I don't care why, just go. Randy says goodbye to her using a mixture of Italian, English, and Spanish, and I'm pretty sure she did that just to get back at me for all those times I accused her of having a penis. Sam and his friends come in, which I love. Katie says something about Sam's friend Nick liking Sabrina, and that they went to Homecoming together. I'm confused. A junior high has Homecoming, and someone loves Sabrina almost as much as I do and I didn't know about it?!!? What book is this in? I must have it! The chapter ends with them eating dinner together and shit, and I don't care because I'm too preoccupied with Nick wanting Sabrina.

At school the next day, Randy asks Katie where Michel is because she hasn't seen him yet. She probably wants to boggle his mind with another unisex name...on a unisex person. Burn! Katie overhears Stacy talking about Michel and how she wants to jump his bones, and I get a little excited because I love good drama and Stacy always brings the drama. Katie says she can't believe that she used to hang out with Stacy. WTF, Girl Talk! Where is this shit? I find it hard to believe that a glamorous creature like Stacy would ever lower herself to hang out with a boring prep like Katie. I think Katie's making up this shit about Homecoming, Nick, and Stacy just to fuck with me.

In English class, Ms. Staats the palindrome calls on Sabrina so she can tell the class what she though of the ending to A Separate Peace. Didn't the guy die or something? I can't remember, I read that book in high school. Luckily, Michel comes in the room before Sabrina has to confess that she was too busy picking out a new neon outfit to have read it. Priorities, you know. Michel sits next to Katie and they talk a bit. I'm pretty sure that Michel wants Katie, Katie feels ambivalent towards him, and Sabrina wants Michel. Katie and Michel both has lunch next period, and Michel asks if he can sit with Katie. I can't jump on the Katie and Michel bandwagon, because I've read books after this. Although, I do love Cruel Intentions. There's some crap about Scottie seeming to be jealous of Michel and more crap about hiding the surprise party, and the chapter ends.

Has anyone had vegetarian bacon? Is it any good? I had a nasty flu a few months ago that has left me not able to even really look at meat. The thought of vegetarian bacon is interesting me more right now than this book.

Katie has a tough practice, and goes home. She notices that her mom has flowers in the house and is playing music, two things she hasn't done much of since Katie's father died. She goes into the kitchen and sees her mom looking super hot in a red dress and lipstick, and freshly highlighted and permed hair. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't it super bad to highlight and perm your hair at the same time? Whatever. Katie goes upstairs and discusses her new MILF with her sister, Emily. They're dumb and can't figure out why their mom is so happy and looks so good. Duh, she met a guy! There's some dumb dinner conversation, with Emily being a bitch, and then finally their mom says that she's having a "nice man" she met over for dinner Sunday. Told you.

Mongols game! Katie wakes up at the buttcrack of dawn and finds an early birthday present from her MILF on the kitchen table. It's the new hockey skates she wanted, complete with neon orange laces to match her uniform. Sexy! Katie heads for a nearby pond to get a little practice in before the game. Now I don't know about hockey skates, but I do know from watching Ice Princess that you have to break in brand new skates before competing in them. But this is Girl Talk, so Katie will magically not get her feet torn up. She sees Michel at the pond, and they talk about the game and Katie's upcoming birthday and stuff. Katie is happy to have Michel on the team because he's so awesome that they have a good chance at beating the Mongols. After awhile, Katie goes home and finds her mom cooking breakfast. Randy, Sabrina, and Boring are all coming over to have breakfast. Randy comes first and acts like she owns the place basically. Do men usually act like that? Katie says it took awhile for her mom to get used to Randy's dude-ness, but now she loves her. Is Randy the hot date? Randy is excited about breakfast, and MILF takes this as a sign that M sucks and gets too much takeout instead of cooking for her manly daughter. Probably.

Game time! At warm up before, Scottie is being a dick. He asks Katie if her "new frog friend" got her the new skates. French Canadians are frogs? Scottie's just being a jealous prick, and needs to calm the fuck down. He glares at her the whole time. The Mongols get on the ice, and they're huge. Their goalie has a monster face painted on his mask. I would've busted up laughing, but Katie thinks it's intimidating. Michel tells her good luck, and Scottie nearly busts a nut making menacing faces at them. The game is tough. Michel says Aaayyy a lot. I guess he's channeling the Fonz. Scottie hates Michel. Katie steals the puck from the Mongols and send it to Scottie, who makes a goal. After that, the Mongols are pissed at Katie, and one of them checks her. She falls face first and blacks out for awhile. She wakes up and they call the doctor. Katie has a split lip, a bruised cheek, and a bad cut on her chin that needs stitches. Scottie checks everyone in sight for touching his woman. Katie does not play the rest of the game, obviously, and after leaving the doctor's goes home and falls asleep. She wakes up late at night and realizes she doesn't know who won the game, but then just goes back to sleep.

The next morning Katie looks like shit, but gets up and gets the morning paper. Her team won the game, 2-1. Scottie got put in the penalty box for his behavior, but Michel saved the day. MILF tells Katie to take it easy for the rest of the day, and she and Emily leave after breakfast for church. Sabrina come over and tells Katie about the game and Scottie's shit and says she thinks Scottie likes Katie. No shit, Sherlock. Oh wait, it's Sabrina. I'm sorry, baby! I'll never be sarcastic to your neon spandex loving ass again! Man and Bore show up, and they watch one of Man's horror movies. MILF shows up out of nowhere and makes them popcorn. I wish my masses were that short!

At 4:30, Awesome, Man, and Bore leave. Katie remembers that this is the day that her mom is having a guy over for dinner. Her mom says if she doesn't feel well enough to eat dinner with them she can have it in her room. Katie takes this as her mom not caring about her. Shut up, Katie, don't talk to your MILF like that! MILF says that if Katie would like to join them she can put on a robe if regular clothes are too uncomfortable. MILF's got the right idea, pajamas all day! Katie goes upstairs and finds that Emily is in the bathroom starting a bath for her. That situation is kind of awkward.

After Katie gets out of her bath, the doorbell rings. She answers it and finds Michel. Michel says that he and his father were invited for dinner. He couldn't tell Katie that before? Dinner goes fine, I guess, even though Katie and Emily are kind of being cunts. Afterward Emily comes into Katie's room to talk. Katie just wants to sleep. Emily thinks it's too soon for her mom to start dating. I know their father died and all, which is very sad, but it's been three years, not three days. Katie still just wants to sleep. Emily finally gets the hint and leaves. Katie sleeps.

At school the next day, Katie gets pissed about all the secretive behavior between Awesome, Bore, and Man. At practice, the coach yells at Scottie for acting like a fool after Katie got hurt, and says it's a good thing Michel was there. That's about it.

Telephone talk: Michel calls Sabrina to talk about Katie and lets it slip that his dad is doing the MILF. Sabrina calls Bore, who answers the phone like a grandma, to talk about Michel. Bore calls Man to talk about the same shit. Sabrina calls Katie and tells her that Michel says he likes her (Sabrina). Katie acts like a bitch.

Katie's birthday. She claims MILF forgot her birthday, even though she already got the skates and MILF told her happy birthday. How did she forget then? Molly Ringwald you are not, Katie. Katie goes to the pond, and Bore finds her there. Bore brings Katie back to her house, and Katie is pissed when she sees that MILF's car is not in the driveway. She walks in and everyone yells SURPRISE!!!!! Oh, who called it? A member of her hockey team gives her a hockey jacket and Michel's dad gives her a new hockey stick. Scottie tells Katie he was jealous of Michel, they kiss, and he asks her out on a date. She accepts.

This book was misleading. The cover makes it look like Katie and Sabrina both have the hots for Michel. I was expecting some good fights, but got nothing!

Try as I might, I could not find a cover image for this online. My bf is at work, so I'll have to ask him if he has a scanner when he gets home. I hope he does, because Sabrina's red jazz shoes are hot and Michel looks hella gay.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

I suck.

I swear to God I have a good excuse for not posting in forevs. I am now in my first semester of my senior year in college, and this bitch is no joke. I'm so swamped with my Research Methods in Psychology class that I barely have time to sleep. But, enough of the pity party.

Arrested Development's favorite holiday, Spring Break (eyes up here, Michael), is next week. Because I've been such a shitty blogger to you all you hos who still check in here, I'm going to do a posting bonanza. That's right, there will finally be new posts! I won't let you down this time, I swear.

So get ready, because tomorrow is my last day of school! Let me know if you guys have any requests, and I'll see what I can do.