Wednesday, August 27, 2008

BSC Little Sister #100 Karen's Book

EDIT: Pics are up! Warning: they are not for the faint of heart.

I know, I know. I haven't updated yet. I just started a brand new school and I was too busy being lost and having to park 10 blocks away. You know, usual stuff.

Anyway, I found this book in my bathroom, which is appropriate because it is hella shitty. I've read quite a few Little Sisters in my time, and I have to say this is the worst. Seriously, the ghostwriter just checked out on this one. Oh, and the illustrator. These pictures are so awful, you cannot even comprehend their sheer hideousness. I may have to scan all of them!

The book starts out with Karen blowing bubbles in her milk and spilling and making a mess. Hate! Nannie helps her clean up, and doesn't use contractions in stating so. It's page 1 and I'm already mega pissed. This is going to be a good entry! Emily tries to blow milk bubbles, but ends up choking instead. Perhaps Claudia can teach her that in her next lesson. Everyone eventually leaves Karen to avoid murder charges from choking her to death...or to run errands and do other shit...and she's left alone. What's an annoying ADHD kid to do? Oh, go through the dreaded Chapter 2? I'm gigundoly pissed now.

Fuck Chapter 2.

Karen decides to re-read some of the Little House books (love that shit), and then gets an amazing idea. She is going to write her own life story! She runs downstairs and bothers Watson in his home office so she can get her baby book. Fun story: I was looking at my friend's baby book in high school, and her parents wrote down that she took her first poop. Who does that? Karen's book just consists of normal shit, like her family tree and stuff. She finally leaves her father alone and heads up to her room to start writing the epic novel of our time. Or a piece of shit that I will make fun of, either one.

Karen starts out her story with lies, first saying it was a dark and stormy night when she was born, and then starting over and saying it was the most beautiful spring day ever. Karen puts the hyper in hyperbole. I can shorten her crappy birth story up for you, you know, make it less painful. Basically, Lisa and Watson are walking around and looking at garage sales. They see a rocking chair they want, but while trying to decide to buy it, Lisa starts going into labor. After she comes home from the hospital with the spawn of Satan, they find the rocking chair on their porch, with a note from the guy who previously owned saying some crap about they deserve it or some other shit that I don't care about. Oh yeah, and they named the spawn of Satan Karen because it means pure, and when they looked at her they felt pure joy. Ha, wait until that bitch learns to talk.

Karen grows up a little, and in a few short years, trashes the rocking chair. Dumb bitch. Then her parents tell her they are expecting another baby. Karen's pissed. The little shit even tries to destroy the cake her grandma makes for Andrew when he's ready to come home. Then she cries and acts like a bitch when her mom comes home and sits in the rocking chair with baby Andrew. She has to hand Andrew off and rock Karen instead. I should feel sorry for them, but Watson could've sold her on the black market at any time. A few days later, Andrew starts crying and doesn't stop. While the adults are trying to figure out what is wrong with him, Karen makes faces at him and he stops. That is a total rip-off of Jessi's story about Squirt, but makes zero sense. It's been a few years since I took Developmental Psych, but I'm pretty sure a baby that's a few days old won't recognize a funny face as something humorous. Oh wait, this is Karen. Maybe she's just lying again. Little shit.

Little Shit goes to preschool, and doesn't want Lisa to leave. Hannie comes up and takes her hand and they play together. Little Shit forgets all about being scared and becomes BFF with Hannie.

Karen's parents get divorced, and there's seriously one sentence devoted to that. Did Lisa and Watson just say, "Hey, let's get divorced!" "Okay, that sounds good!" Honestly, no fighting or drama or anything. Karen is sad to leave Hannie, and tries to keep their friendship up over the phone, meaning she tries to have a tea party with Hannie over the phone. Goddamn I hate her. Hannie has to hang up, so Karen continues her tea party outside by herself. Suddenly she notices a girl next door laughing at her. The girl is Nancy, of course, and Karen invites her over to the tea party. There's some dumb shit about them trying to guess each other's names, and Lisa cockblocks it by calling Karen to lunch. I laugh. Nancy and Karen become BFFs.

Next chapter just consists of Karen telling the story about how she forgets everything when she goes back and forth from Watson's to Lisa's and has to rip ber blanket in half and have her parents indulge her and buy her Moosie. I pretty much want to rip my eyes out at this point in the book.

Lisa decides she wants some bookshelves built in her house, and calls a carpenter. That carpenter is Seth. Seth starts coming around a lot to build more shit, which is code for fucking Lisa, and they decide to get married. For some reason, Lisa has her hideous daughter in the wedding as a flower girl. Seth probably decided after meeting Karen that he didn't want any kids. I would.

Here's the next four chapters for you: Karen meets Kristy for the first time, Elizabeth and Watson get married and Karen is the flower girl, Karen is convinced that Mrs. Porter is Morbidda Destiny, and Karen is skipped into Ms. Colman's class (her old teacher probably just wanted to get rid of her).

It took Karen all weekend to write her shitty book, and she makes her family listen to it. They do, and praise her for some reason. Karen is proud, and Nannie offers ice cream, chocolates, and cookies to everyone. Karen is a little pig and takes everything. Yeah, like that kid needs more sugar. Nannie should spike Karen's desserts with Ny-Quil next time.

Pics coming tomorrow when I'm not lazy! Trust me, they're worth the wait.

First of all, this picture is impossible, because Karen could not be holding a book with a picture of the picture she is posing for. Plus I'm surprised the camera didn't break, because she is hella fug.

Emily is a smeary mess, and Karen looks as if she might not have the brain cells to operate milk bubbles.

Do I even need to say anything? These pics are awful!

I'd cry harder if that fug thing was looming above me.

I wish I could live in Scribbleland!

"Oh, NOW I remember why we decided to adopt instead!"

Monday, August 18, 2008

I'm back, bitches.

It's true! And I have a tan! I haven't had one of those since I was about 8 or so! It's very exciting for me.

Camp was great and all, nothing like Camp Mohawk, of course, but then what in BSC history is like real life?

On one of my few days off, I went thrifting and came across the Sweet Valley High board game. You know I bought that shit. It was highly exciting for me, and it still makes me happy to gaze upon it sitting in my room in all it's glory. All I need now is the regular BSC game (I had 2 sets when I was little, but both had all the pieces lost and are long gone) and the BSC mystery game (never had it). Fingers crossed!

Posting should start again soon, for all you who emailed me during the summer salivating at the mouth for new posts. Okay, so it was like 3 people, but try to let me feel a little good about myself. I feel a little out of the loop, so please leave suggestions on what you'd like to see here.

Now I'm off to find the book I'd like to review next!

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Just like Mohawk Jo!

Well guys, it looks like I'll be on a summer hiatus. I got off my lazy butt and got a job working at the summer camp I went to when I was younger. Not only that, but I'm head female counselor there! I'm only not there right now because I have a wedding to go to. Pretty much my next day off will be the beginning of July. But don't you worry, I'm still spreading the joy of YA 80's books around; I suggested we read excerpts from SVH books on our story hike. Nice.

Now if I could only figure out how to stop making inappropriate comments...

Monday, May 5, 2008

California Diaries #1 Dawn

EDIT: Okay, I've been working on this for a week now because of a combination of finals and re-discovering my My So-Called Life DVDs. I took my last final this morning (and watched the last episode of MSCL this afternoon), so I might as well finish this now!

Yes! I finally located a library with the California Diaries books! They're missing two, but we'll handle that when the time comes. I was so excited to find these, you seriously have no idea. Well, you probably do have an idea, since I've gotten numerous requests for these. Trust me, I wanted them as much as you guys did.

I LOVE the California Diaries. They're so much more real and relatable than BSC. I never got to the point in the BSC where Dawn became the environment Nazi, so it was a shock for me to read these and find out that a character that I had actually liked before in the BSC series could be such a hypocritical judgmental bitch. I don't like any of the Dawn books and I want to smack her 99% of the time, so this recap should be quite sarcastic and angry.

First entry consists of Dawn describing how crowded her school was and how much she hates it because it's distracting and stuff. Shove it, ho. Then Dawn further pisses me off by not approving of how Sunny is handling her mom's cancer. Look, ass, you can't say what she would do because you've never been in that situation. Man, I'm already pissed off, and I'm only on the fourth page!

Second entry is kind of a short BSC Chapter 2. It doesn't ramble on about stupid little details about all her friends or mention that Jessi's black, so it's pretty good.

Dawn and Sunny meet Maggie at her place to walk to school together. Maggie's all upset because she didn't study for her math quiz enough and she thinks she might not get an A. Maggie also doesn't have green hair or a rat tail any more, so I'm sad. They get to school and see the fourth member of the old We Love Kids club, Jill. Apparently Jill isn't emo enough to get her own book, so the writers had to turn her into a huge dork who is wearing a unicorn sweatshirt and pink sneakers with unicorn tails hanging off of them. That outfit is so hot I cannot even picture it clearly in my mind. Jill needs to go listen to Fall Out Boy and buy some black eyeliner so she can get her own book and I can read more about the awesome contents of her closet.

Dawn bitches some more about the school being overcrowded. Apparently a lot of kids switch to this school in eighth grade because the high school is so good. Don't let them in then? I'm assuming this is a private school. My high school was a private school, and all eighth graders have to take an entrance exam to get in. They had so many kids wanting to come in my freshmen year (the sports teams are phenomenal, as are the academics) that they had a waiting list that went by entrance exam scores. They also didn't accept transfer students unless you had just moved to the area. Guess what? My school was full, but not overcrowded. Logic works! Dawn complains some more about the hallways being crowded, and she and Sunny shout "Rulers!" at each other, because as eighth graders they are the rulers of the junior high. Dawn wonders why the high school seniors don't shout that, too. Because they're not stupid and immature!

The next day or something there is an announcement over the loudspeaker that the high school and the eighth grade are going to have an assembly. Dawn wonder what is going on, because the junior high and high schools never have assemblies together. Let's see, the eighth grade is overcrowded, Dawn is happy to be a ruler of the junior high, and she clearly loves to bitch. I think we all know where this is going. Dawn, Maggie, Sunny, and Jill head over to the assembly. Dawn tries to act like Jill isn't with them because, as she snottily puts it, Jill is actually wearing a sweatshirt with crayons on the front and thinks she looks cute. I seem to remember some pretty fug stuff that Claudia would wear, but she was considered to be a huge fashionista. I guess Connecticut Dawn was more accepting of others than California Dawn. Oh, and shut up, Dawn. Anyone who wore DIY off the shoulder sweatshirts, a sweat-skirt, and crimped hair to impress a hick's hick cousin has no room to talk.

Assembly announcement: the eighth grade is moving to the high school building. Duh. Dawn complains. Duh squared (love you, Rayanne!). The next like 5 pages all consist of Dawn bitching about the move. Calm the fuck down, it's not that cool to be rulers of the junior high anyway. Maggie echos my thoughts and says that they're just moving to a different building, not a different school, and she'll be happy to not be so jam packed. I love Maggie.

At home, Dawn is coddled my Mrs. Bruen, their housekeeper. Mrs. Bruen brings her peppermint tea to soothe her. I hope there's arsenic in it. At dinner, Dawn's dad announces that he'll be leaving for a business trip soon and will be gone for ten days. Dawn throws a fit because he will be gone the day she moves into the high school building, and she wanted him there for moral support. What was he going to do, come to school with her and hold her hand? I bet Dawn's dad wishes she stayed in Connecticut. After dinner Dawn decides she needs to ask Carol about something she heard about Sunny's mom. She wants to know what the word sterile means. Couldn't she figure it out? She asks Carol, and I wish Carol had said that sterile was what she wished Dawn's dad had been so Dawn's whiny ass wouldn't be around, but instead she just laughs. Dawn gets pissed and looks it up in the dictionary. Why couldn't she have done that in the first place?

Dawn thinks about her friends, and how everything seems to be changing. Except Jill, who still acts like a baby. Dawn is tired of acting excited over Jill's teddy bear collection. Dawn Rochelle's frizzy ass hair should attack Dawn Schafer's teddy bear hating face! Also, WTF is up with Jill suddenly being a baby? I remember she was all bikini-ed out and shit in Dawn On the Coast, and now all of a sudden we're supposed to believe that she's this huge kindergartner? I think Dawn's making it all up. Ho.

Dawn is in study hall on her first day of being in the high school building. She doesn't know anyone, and she's all weirded out by these two older kids making out. Dawn sucks and all, but that would weird me out, too. Holy shit, then she says hell! That's right, HELL! I love the California Diaries! Anyway, Maggie and Sunny are worried about hazing. Hazing is so fucking stupid, seriously. Big deal, so some kids' moms got knocked up later than others'. Doesn't make you any better than them. Our high school "hazing" consisted of one thing: yelling "Go home, freshmen!" at assemblies. Harmless. Oh well, back to the book. Vista's hazing consists of "lipsticking," which is writing an 8 on the 8th grader's foreheads (um, wipe it off?), being given wrong directions (pool on the roof?), and generally being inferior to XP. Oh, sorry, I just have some Windows Vista hate built up.

Dawn insists on going with Carol to the airport to see her dad off. She acts like it's some big-ass deal and shit and that she has to force Carol to let her go. I'm not buying it, and shut up, Dawn.

Dawn accidentally tries to open up the wrong locker the next day at school, and the bitchface who owns the locker, Mandy, is a total ho about it. Anyone can make that mistake, come on. She has to check to see if Dawn stole anything, even though Dawn didn't even get the locker open because she didn't have the right combination. Nothing was stolen, but Dawn had kicked the locker when she couldn't get it open and it caused a mirror in there to break. Mandy acts all ass-facey about it. Just go get another one at the Dollar Tree, no need to be a huge bitch about it. Dawn offers to pay her back and reaches in her purse to give her some money for it. A stuffed puppy falls out with a little first-grade note from her "puppy-pal" Jill attached to the tail. Mandy makes fun of Dawn, and from then on calls her Puppy-Pal whenever she sees her. BFD, a stuffed animal. There are tons of way better stuff to make fun of Dawn for, like the time she was in love with mullet-y Travis.

Dawn picks a fight with Carol. Carol tells her to do her homework, and instead of telling her that with the school switch they haven't really gotten any, Dawn flips out and accuses Carol of picking on her. You know, no one will replace Dawn's mom, I get that. But Carol seems really cool, fun, and easy-going. Dawn should lay off and be happy that she doesn't have a V.C. Andrews-like stepmother.

Carol and Mrs. Bruen take Jeff out shopping for clothes and leave Dawn at home to write in her journal and sulk. Mary Anne calls Dawn, and Dawn writes that she misses her Stoneybrook friends, but not as much as she thought she would. Well, she was only there for a year or so (according to the books, more like 15 years in real life), whereas she's known her California friends since she was little, so I can see how she'd miss the California friends a little more. Carol, Jeff, and Mrs. Bruen come back, and apparently Jeff is as much of a little snot as his older sister because all they bought was a pair of socks or something. Dawn said one time Jeff left his journal out and she read it and it was filled with stuff about how much he hated her. I knew I liked Jeff. Of course, since he is 10, he didn't use any contractions. What age are you able to use them? This is dumb. Dawn thinks back to her conversation with Mary Anne earlier. Mary Anne of course asked about the We Love Kids Club, because babysitting is her life. Apparently the We Love Kids Club is pretty much no more, because they don't really feel like babysitting any more. Except for Jill, who is totally lame and loves it because then she can trade Barbies with the kids. Maybe I made the Barbie part up. Dawn thinks Jill is lame because Jill's idea of hanging out is baking cookies and making popcorn. Dawn is hella lame if her idea of fun doesn't include delicious cookies or popcorn.

At school all the cool 8th graders get invitations to a kegger stuck in their locker. Well, all the cool kids and Jill. Dawn actually has the nerve to ask if the party is for cool kids then why did Jill get invited. Why did YOU get invited, Dawn? I thought Dawn was supposed to be a hippie and shit. Shouldn't she be a little more kind towards her fellow man? Jill says she isn't going, and because she is immature, she doesn't use contractions. Words cannot express my hate. Maggie, Sunny, and Dawn are going to go, so Jill decides she might come, but she's not sure if she should make cookies or fudge to bring. Jill, the only baked goods that would be acceptable at a high school party are some brownies, and I'm pretty sure you don't have all the special ingredients. Dawn snottily tells her they'll talk about it later.

Dawn actually has an honest moment, because she writes an entry about how she's not a very good person all the time. Duh. Then again, who can be perfect all the time? We all think mean thoughts about other people, like how today in my math final I wished my teacher would button his shirt higher because his hairy chest was making me want to throw up my Luna bar and Sunny D. Actually, if people could hear my thoughts I probably would have zero friends, but lots of boyfriends. Yeah, I'm a gross bitch.

Dawn accidentally picks up the phone and hears Carol's doctor tell her that her EPT was correct and that she is pregnant. Dawn says that EPT stands for Early Pregnancy Test, but I thought it stood for Error-Proof Test or the thank-God-it's-negative test. How can she know that shit but not know what sterile means? Dawn confesses to Carol later that she overheard, and is kind of pissed that Carol's not mad about it. Dawn just loves to start shit with Carol, I swear. Carol is kind of in shock, and asks Dawn to keep it a secret until her dad gets home, because she wanted him to be the first to know and wants to be the one to tell him. Dawn says okay, and I can't help but think she'll find some way to fuck this simple request up.

Dawn, Maggie, Sunny, and Jill hang out in Dawn's room the day of the party and try to decide whether or not to go. Jill acts like a baby and lacks the use of contractions. She wants to have an old-fashioned good old days sleepover. Nothing wrong with that. The other girls decide they can all go to the mall and then go to Jill's. Jill is happy.

At the mall, Sunny wants to get some more piercings, either in her ears or her belly button. Dawn tells her no. What place in the mall pierces belly buttons, and what place ever would pierce a 13 year old without a parent present? I was 20 when I got my belly button pierced, and I had to go to a tattoo parlor and show my ID. Dumb! Maggie says she needs to go to the pet store to get some supplies, and Jill is happy because she can play with the kittens there. That would make me mega happy, too, but Sunny rolls her eyes. Dawn pulls her aside and tells her to stop doing that shit and be nice to Jill. Fucking hypocrite, like you're nice to her? Jill nearly pisses her pants at the sight of a store called Bear Necessities, where she buys teddy bear stickers and barrettes and a plastic pony perfume bottle. Jill is totally going to be one of those 45 year old women you see hanging out in Build-A-Bear, buying stuff for themselves. They go to lunch, and Sunny randomly starts crying about her mom. Poor Sunny. Then she runs off afterwards and gets her belly button pierced. In the mall. A 13 year old. With no parent present. I am not buying it! Dawn is pissed, because apparently she's the mommy now. Hahaha, I bet Dawn totally wears mom jeans.

Carol drives Sunny and Dawn over to Jill's. Dawn apparently knows all about pregnancy symptoms, because she's wondering why Carol doesn't have morning sickness and shit. They go to Jill's, and wait for Maggie and the pizza guy to arrive. Maggie arrvies in her limo and the pizza guy is impressed. Dawn informs us that Maggie thinks the limo is pretentious. Yes, she can use the word pretentious, but doesn't know what sterile means.

Jill has decorated her room in pink and white streamers and balloons. Of course, this means she is a baby. If I had some streamers and balloons I'd decorate my room right now. I'm so over this book. She also only has Disney movies, and doesn't understand when the other girls are not interested. Disney movies can be fun. My roommate and I used to watch Beauty and the Beast and The Little Mermaid in our dorm. These girls need to stop acting so snotty, or bring their own damn movies if they're going to be picky. Basically everything Jill does is baby-ish and horrible. She suggests playing Cootie, prank calling people, and makeovers. All except for Cootie sound like normal 13 year old sleepover things to do. I don't know when makeovers became babyish, but Sunny is disgusted at the thought of them. Jill finally gets fed up with the shit and starts crying because she doesn't know what else to do. Poor Jill.

Jill's mom and sister leave for a few hours, and Sunny decides that now is the time to go to the high school party. Jill refuses because she's scared of getting caught, so the other snots leave her. Assholes! Except for Maggie. I love that little rich ano. Oh, and Sunny's cool, too. And an asshole.

The party is a typical high school kegger. The girls get drinks, and Maggie and Dawn slowly take sips of theirs. Dawn spits hers right out and declares it disgusting. Sunny, however, totally chugs her cup. I love her. It totally sounds like they're drinking Boone's, too. You know you're getting high class wine when it comes in a multitude of bright colors and costs only $1.98 at Wal-Mart. Boone's rocks. The girls meet up with Amalia, whom none of them know really well. I kind of don't like Amalia. Sunny is totally drunk off of her cup of Boone's, and wants to go get some more. Sunny knows how to have a good time! Sunny returns later and is hardcore drunk. Fun fact: Sunny talks like Sean Connery when she's drunk!

Dawn immediately goes into full on mommy mode. Um, if you didn't want her to drink then why weren't you watching her? And why did you even go to the party in the first place? Sunny is a little Boone's'd out, and starts to puke in the bushes. Just then the ho Mandy whose locker Dawn accidentally tried to open comes by and starts laughing. Apparently 8th graders were invited to the party as a part of hazing so that they'd drink a lot and get sick. Doesn't everyone drink a lot and get sick at high school parties? I never went to any because I was never invited and I live in the middle of nowhere so I wasn't close enough to crash the houses that the parties were at. This party is dumb, and I really want some Blue Hawaiian.

Sunny continues to puke and shit, and feels all gross. Honestly, what did she think would happen when she drank so much? She lays down on the front step of the house the party is at. Suddenly the older kids start grabbing the younger ones and throwing them in the pool. I don't get it. Dawn tries to get out and accidentally ends up pulling Mandy in the pool. Sweet! She eventually gets out, but Maggie refuses to. She says she's wearing a really thin t-shirt and no bra. Hot! I bet if Maggie got out she'd become one of the most popular girls in school. Maggie's crush Justin shows up as she is getting out and totally gets a hard on. He doesn't even pretend to be looking somewhere else. It doesn't take a psychic to know that the only thing that is going through his head is "BOOBS!" Dawn stands there in her jean jacket and doesn't even bother to offer it to poor Maggie. They head back to the porch to get Sunny and leave. Sunny still feels sick. Maggie argues with her and Dawn notices that all the upperclassmen are heading out. Then she hears sirens. This would be your cue to run, Dawn. And they actually do!

They meet Amalia out on the street behind the house, and they're all confused on where to go. Just then a car pulls up with a familiar looking guy driving. He offers to take them home, and just then Sunny realizes that her wallet was left back at the party. She freaks out, and the guy, who is Ducky, calms her down. He drives them all back to Amalia's and Jill's, and tells Sunny he'll pick her up tomorrow and take her back to the party house to find her wallet. I could never decide if Ducky wanted Sunny or men. Let me know what you guys think in the comments.

The girls, who are back at Jill's house way after her mother and sister were due home, throw pebbles at Jill's window to wake her up. Jill opens the window to find Sunny puking on the lawn. Nice. She totally covered for them with her mom, which was pretty cool. Of course, instead of being happy, Dawn is just disgusted by Jill's footie pajamas. Footie pajamas are fucking awesome, bitch, and don't you forget it! They tell her the party story, and Jill is pissed when she finds out Sunny lost her wallet because she thinks that somehow her mom might find out and her cover will be blown. Dawn snottily tells her that it's not all about her, even though when Sunny initially found out about her missing wallet Dawn yelled at her for the exact same thing. Sunny falls into a drunken sleep on Jill's bed, and Jill realizes that Sunny was sick from all the $1.98 Blue Hawaiian. She gets pissed that Sunny's on her bed, especially since she's all pukey, and Dawn is a ho about it. I'd be mad, too, if my friends all left me and I had to lie for them and then one came back drunk and stole my bed. They could've at least brought back a bottle of Melon Ball for her. Nothing says love and class like a bottle of Boone's.

Jill's sister and mom wake them all up the next morning at 8 am. Who the fuck wakes up a sleepover party at 8 am? Sunny is hungover, and Maggie and Dawn are just tired.

Ducky picks up Sunny and Dawn. Dawn gets all disgusted by his piece of shit car. What's your car like, Dawn? Oh that's right, you don't have one, so shut the fuck up. They go to the house and start looking. Just then, the front door opens and a woman comes out holding Sunny's neon (!) pink wallet. Turns out the big prank with the party was that it was held at a teacher's house while the teacher was away for the weekend. Ruh-roh! Ms. Krueger, the teacher, says that she'll talk to them at school to decide their punishment. Ducky takes Dawn and Sunny home, and they all worry.

Dawn calls up Jill and they go to the mall together. Jill is all sad, even at Bear Necessities. Dawn acts like a decent human being for once and apologizes to her. Then she tells her about Carol's pregnancy. Why, I do not know. She makes Jill swear not to tell anyone, not even her My Little Pony collection. Lickity Split is a total blabbermouth.

At school there's an announcement that all of the high school will have an assembly the next day, most likely about the party. Ms. Krueger also says she wants to see Ducky, Sunny, and Dawn in her office the next day. Dawn asks her friends if they want to come over, and they're all busy except for Jill, who is eager to bake cookies with Mrs. Bruen. They get there and Carol comes in, carrying a fax machine. Jill tells her she shouldn't be carrying heavy things in her condition. Carol says the thought she could trust Dawn and then leaves. Dawn turns on Jill and bitches her out and makes her cry. It's your fault, Dawn! You shouldn't have told anyone! Own up to YOUR mistake!

Lecture time! Ms. Krueger basically tells them how stupid and dangerous it was to be walking around to and from the party at night. She knows they were all tricked, and says that she's not going to punish them at this time, but if she ever hears about any other trouble from them in the future, she'll totally smoke their asses.

At the assembly, the students are informed that any upperclassmen seen hazing will be suspended and any student who gets into any trouble such as drinking, trespassing, or defacing property will also be suspended. All of the classes will be using their class funds to repay Ms. Krueger for the damages, and the freshmen and junior classes are still a little short, so any upcoming fundraisers will also go to her. Because of that, the freshmen and juniors will have their class trips cancelled because they won't have any money left. That'll show them!

Justin passes Maggie in the hall and totally checks out her rack again. Mandy the bitch comes up to Dawn and asks if she found her wallet. Apparently Mandy tried to plant Dawn's wallet at the party to get her in trouble, but had a few too many bottles of Strawberry Hill and stole Sunny's wallet instead.

The book ends with Dawn bitching about Carol not telling her dad about her pregnancy, Mandy being an assface, and Jill being more into Care Bears than Boone's. She decides to put together a group a people to raise money and go plant flowers and clean up at Ms. Krueger's. She says she knows the kids will like that. Probably not. Dawn apologizes to Jill, who apologizes back for letting the pregnancy secret slip. Even though the air is kind of cleared between them, Dawn says she's not sorry enough to work things out with Jill. And on that bitchy note, the book is over!

Is that Dawn after Sunny puked some Blue Hawaiian up on her? I wish.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Poll for May

Sorry for being lax on the posting, I started a recap Monday and still haven't finished it! I've only had one class the week (every morning), but it's my most difficult one and we had a test and a handout and shit due, plus our final is Monday. I'll probably be better at posting again once my final is over and I have no obligations.

So, on to the poll! TG and Sabrina didn't stand a chance, even though I voted for Sabrina like 5 times. Lila and Claudia started off head to head, but then Claudia blew past and totally killed everyone in a flurry of Ms. Frizzles, paint, Twinkies, and bad spelling. Go Claudia!

So here's my new question for May: Which V.C. Andrews male is the creepiest? I mean, they all have their faults, but which one really makes your skin crawl? There's like a million answers to choose from, and I didn't even think about every series! Here are our nominees:

Chris Dollanganger (2): This is the younger Chris, who relentlessly pursued Cathy and couldn't take a hint. We all know about his gross ways.

Tony Tatterton: My, how Tony loves his wife, Jillian! In fact, he loves her so much that he rapes her daughter, Leigh, and then is all obsessed with both the daughter (Heaven) and granddaughter (Annie) that resulted from that rape. He does die the absolute best death in V.C. Andrews history, if I recall correctly (I may not be since I hated this book so much that I can't remember if he died or just passed out): he's laying on a couch in a woman's nightgown. Love!

Philip Cutler: Likes to rape his sister, Dawn, and her daughter, Christie. He was best man at his sister's wedding and mouthed the I do to her, like he was marrying her. He also made his buttugly wife dye her hair like his sister and he occasionally liked to sleep with one of his sister's nightgowns doused in her perfume spread out beside him. Philip's fucked up.

Malcolm Foxworth (1): This is TG's husband, and believe me, she needed to be giving him forty lashes. Malcolm had a really unhealthy obsession with his mom, the first Corinne, that we never got to go into (Someone figure out how to resurrect V.C. Andrews and have her write a story from the first Corinne's POV). He also raped his stepmom repeatedly and was way too controlling with his daughter that resulted from that rape, slutbag Corinne.

Cal Dennison: Bought Heaven from her father (no, seriously!) and then proceeded to do her like crazy. I know Heaven's white trash and all, but come on, Cal!

Jimmy Longchamp: Yet another sister lover. I know Dawn turned out not to be his real sister, but they thought they were brother and sister for like 14 years, so that's gross as hell.

Jed Booth: Raped his adopted daughter, Lillian, and was an all-around angry bitch.

Cary Logan: Um, peephole into his twin sister's room? Disgusting! Then he gets all grab-assy with Melody, who is kind of sort of not really his cousin. Forget about that and just think about the peephole into Laura's room.

Roy Arnold: See Jimmy Longchamp, but replace Dawn with Rain.

Bart Winslow (1): One of Cathy's many lovers. Though he wasn't technically related to her (he was her stepfather but they had never met before), he still came off as a creepy asshole who can't hold his load.

Bart Winslow (2): Cathy and Bart Winslow's son. His last name may not be Winslow, I can't remember. Whatever. It's insinuated that he totally did something to his adopted sister. Oh, and let's not forget his crazy (literally) childhood!

Julian Marquet: Julian likes little girls. Gross! At least he tried to break up Cathy and Chris.

Arden Lowe: Yeah, Arden's not related to Audrina in any way, but something about him creeped me out. Maybe it was the fact that he knew the truth about Audrina's past and went along with the lies, maybe it was the fact that he wanted to have sex with a girl he knew was gang-raped, maybe it was the fact that he was doing Vera while Audrina was in a coma, I don't know. I just don't like him.

Damian Adare: Audrina's father, who is fucking weird. I can't even get into it without ruining the story, but those of you who have read it know what I mean.

Paul Tate: Yet ANOTHER sister lover. Half-sister, actually, but still. He and Ruby cut their relationship off after finding out they're related, but he still wants her hardcore. He does a little role-playing after they get married (don't ask) and they have sex. Role-playing or sham marriage or not, sex with your sister is nasty.

Or you can choose all of them, because I know it's a tough decision.

Voting ends June 1!

Monday, April 21, 2008

BSC Little Sister #63 Karen's Movie *Now with inside pics!*

I've never read this book, so bear with me while I read it as I'm writing this post. I picked it up off the discard shelf because I figured that a Little Sister book is always easy to make fun of.

It kind of bugged me that every Little Sister book title was Karen's something. Other things that bugged me about Little Sister books: the huge font, shitty internal pictures, Karen, the alphabet block letters on the front cover not being the same font as the regular BSC, gigundo, Emily Jr., no one using contractions, and two-twos. There's more I don't like, but I just don't feel like naming it. Maybe I should try to name what I actually do like instead. Let's see...hmmm...drawing a blank here, guys. Oops!

Okay, I just read the first paragraph and I already want to throw this book across the room. Karen is laying in bed listening to her stomach growling. Um, eat? That fug child isn't going to be a supermodel any time soon, so she doesn't have to starve herself. Andrew comes in and calls her a sleepyhead. I would've thrown the closest object at him, but Karen just gets dressed really fast and goes downstairs to eat breakfast. Why is she getting dressed in the summer? I had two summer outfits: pajamas and swimsuit. Most of the time the swimsuit was under the pajamas. I only got dressed in the summer when school was still in session, and then it was spandex biker shorts or overall shorts. Karen needs to get with it.

There's some crap about Karen loving the fruit in her cereal and then going out to play Red Light, Green Light with a bunch of neighborhood kids and Andrew. Then we have the usual Chapter 2 with all of the background information that we already know and don't care about.

At dinner, Karen makes a Dalmatian out of her watermelon seeds. Her mother encourages this stupidity by telling her it's terrific instead of doing what I would do, which is shove the watermelon down her throat. Not that I'm discouraging creativity, I just hate Karen. Seth gets a phone call and it's bad news, oh noes. Seth's dad is in the hospital. Karen asks if he broke his wrist, because she can tell him everything about that. No, dumbass. He had a heart attack and is going to need a bypass. Seth makes arrangements to fly out to Nebraska to be with him and his mother. Karen and Andrew are scared, so they make Grandad some get well cards. Karen says makign the cards helps her to not be scared any more. It's easy to distract her.

The next day the parents make a decision. Seth will fly out soon, and then three weeks later Lisa, Andrew, and Karen will fly out to join him. Lisa says she will cook some stuff to bring there. Can you take food on airplanes? Seth says he thought of a great gift for his parents: a TV and VCR. Karen is doubtful because Grandad once told her that TV was a waste of money and that's why they didn't have one. I'm just going to take a minute here and go hug my plasma TV and beloved Tivo. I'll never call you wastes of money, babies! Karen then asks how they will watch anything since Seth's parents don't have cable on their farm. There's other channels that aren't cable, retard. Our TV in our kitchen isn't hooked up to cable or satellite and it still functions. Instead of explaining this to his annoying stepdaughter, Seth says that he is getting them the VCR for that reason, so they can watch movies on tape. Apparently Seth doesn't know that TVs get channels without cable or satellite either. Seth calls his friend Howard, who runs an appliance store, and tells him to have a TV and a VCR ready for him to ship to Nebraska. Karen says that they get all their appliances from Howard, because he gives Seth a good discount. Yeah, a five-finger one. Karen decides she needs to think of a gift to give Grandad. How about staying at home?

Karen's mom drops her and Andrew off at Watson's house. Karen, Andrew, and Kristy spend a bunch of time making lemonade, and keep having to add sugar or lemons because it's either too sweet or too sour. Do no grocery stores in Stoneybrook carry some good old Country Time mix? These bitches are always making lemonade the hard way! Karen comes up with the not-so-great idea of making a movie for Grandad with Watson's video camera. Because what's better than documenting her annoyingness so you can relive it again and again! Also, camcorders were pretty expensive back then. I know Watson's loaded and all, but do you really think he's going to let his ADHD-ridden 7 year old and all of her grimy friends play with it? Apparently so, because I just flipped ahead and the issue never comes up.

Karen, Hannie, and Nancy come up with the dumbest script in the history of movies. It's called Princess Gigglepuss, and it's chock full of knock knock jokes and other stupidity. I think some of my brain cells voluntarily left after reading it. She casts some of the neighborhood kids in it, but they have to pretend they have a camera for awhile until she can get the real one.

Karen talks to her grandma on the phone and tells her she has a surprise planned for Grandad, but won't say what it is. I'm sure she cares, what with her husband in such critical condition. Karen writes Grandad a letter and makes sure to dump tons of glitter all over it. She's so thoughtful.

Karen has a movie meeting. She hands out pictures she drew of what everyone's costumes are supposed to look like. I can't even imagine how shitty they must look. Karen bosses everyone around while they make their costumes. They're not happy. The next day she bosses around everyone at rehearsal. The other kids are even less happy. Karen says she's the director and the director's job is to boss people around. I think we all know where this is going. Andrew flubs his lines and Karen goes all apeshit on him. Nancy tells her to calm the fuck down because Andrew's only 4. Karen says it's going to be a long day.

A few days later, they're ready to film. A kid in Karen's class is using the camcorder, and I still think that's not cool. Karen continues to be a bossy asshole, and Hannie calls her out on it. Karen reminds her that she is the director and that is how directors are. She continues to be a ho, but they get through it. Karen yells cut and all the other kids celebrate and run away from her.

Shit, now I'm nervous. Karen sits down later to watch the tape. She's not happy. Bobby sucks at filming (he is only 7 or 8, after all, not fucking Spielberg), then someone has the nerve to sneeze off-camera, then Hannie doesn't say her lines to Karen's liking...basically Karen's treating this piece of shit like it's going to be nominated for an Oscar or something. The next day she makes the kids shoot the scenes again, and lays down some rules. No one is allowed to sneeze or cough, Bobby has to film things non-shittily (yeah, I just made that word up, so what?), and Hannie has to say her lines more cheerfully. Hannie gets pissed and quits. Hannie's always the cockblock in these books, isn't she? Everyone else quits too.

Karen goes to Watson's, and he asks her how her movie is coming along. She says it's okay, and asks if there are Academy Awards for home movies. Who called that one? She and Sam watch the movie together, and they see her acting like a bossy bitch. Sam says she's a tough director, but he misses the sneezing in the background. Oh Sam. I'd probably do him. Sam says he'll edit out the parts where Karen is acting like a little brat at the high school on their editing equipment. Or he could just hook the camcorder up to the VCR and put another tape in and record what he wants. That's how we did it for my high school English video project.

Karen gets packed for Nebraska. She is leaving the next day. She packs some hick clothes, like overalls and a straw hat, and tells Andrew all the farm stuff they'll do. Andrew asks if the plane ride will be fun. Didn't they fly in the first Super Special? I know they took a cruise, but I thought they flew at one point in the book, too. Karen wants to call Hannie or Nancy, but no one wants to talk to her since the movie shit went down. I didn't want to talk to her before then, but that's just me.

They fly out to Nebraska, and Seth meets them at the Omaha airport. Karen is all ready to have some fun on the farm, and is disappointed when Seth says he's going back to the hospital and Lisa is staying in the house near the phone. Well, duh, dumbass, you're not there for a vacation, you're there because your grandfather is having serious health problems. Karen shows Andrew around the farm, and acts like a little snot because she had been there before and done lots of cool things while he hadn't. Lisa calls them into the house, where Grandad is waiting on the phone for them. He says he feels better and will be home in a few days. Karen is excited.

The next day Karen's grandma takes Karen and Andrew to a neighboring farm where her friend Tia lives. She and Andrew play with Tia the stereotypical hick until Granny comes and picks them up again. This book is seriously all filler.

Grandad's homecoming! More filler about him looking frail and tired. Karen thought he'd look better because hospitals are supposed to make you well. Someone should sit her down and explain what bypass surgery is to her. They have a welcome-home party for him, and Karen is excited to give him her movie. She makes him watch is right then and there and he loves it. Granny says it must've taken a lot of cooperation, and Karen starts to feel bad because she thinks of all the film of her acting like a little snot that was edited out. All her friends are still mad at her, so Karen decides that since this party made Grandad feel better, she'll have a party for her friends when she gets back home to make them feel better. Or just apologize? I know she can't use contractions, but she can say "I am sorry" or "I am a little snotrag" instead.

Karen goes home to Connecticut and thinks of a special way she can thank her friends. Uh, say it? A few days after coming home, they have a party. They play dumb games and watch the movie together and shit. Karen gives them their special thank you surprise. She drew a movie poster and had her mom make copies of it. It has the movie's name and a picture of a cat wearing a crown on it, and then everyone's name underneath the drawing, with her name last and in the smallest print. It's hella lame, and doesn't make up for her acting like a douche, but her friends all love it and forgive her. Everyone's dumb!

Karen is so fug. I can't even comment on the rest of the photo because my eyes are bleeding from her hideousness.

I'll try to get some of the awful inside pics up tomorrow, as it's kind of late and I need to go to bed. Someone colored inside my book, so they look even worse than usual. The inside pics of Karen make her look like a supermodel on the outside one. They're that bad.

Update: Here you go, guys! Sorry I didn't put them up yesterday, but I was so busy. Okay, I can't lie. I was watching America's Next Top Model on MTV all day and then I took a nap.

Bobby's rocking out his jorts some more, Karen's being a bossy ho.

I just love the look on Bobby's face in this one. Karen's being a little snot again, and Bobby's just like, "Hell to the naw!" I think I'm a Bobby fan.

Karen looks like she has Down's Syndrome in this picture. Don't tell me you weren't thinking the same thing!

Would you forgive Karen if she gave you this piece of crap? I would just be more mad at her.

There's more pictures, but they all basically consist of Karen looking ugly and doing everyday shit, or more of her bossing around the other kids. Hate!

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Procrastination Post

You know what really sucked in grade school (1-8 for me, we didn't have a separate junior high in my hickass town)? Gym class. Man, I hated gym. I am not athletic in the least bit, and I was always picked last. Always! Even when my friends were chosen as captains! Then when we'd play, I would never ever get a chance to get better because I was never passed the ball. I'd be wide open on the basketball court and my teammates would choose to have the ball stolen than throw it to sucky me. Yeah, I probably wouldn't catch it anyway, but come on. It's fucking 7th grade gym class, who cares if you win or lose?

I'm not going to lie and say it didn't hurt that I was picked last, because it did. I don't know why my gym teachers would make us go through that crap when they could've just divided up the teams themselves. It would've been so much easier, and better for the kids who no one wanted. Gym teachers are sadists, though, I guess. My gym teacher for 6-8 grade was a man, and this was also the time in my life when I would get cramps from my period so badly that I could barely walk, let alone stand around a basketball court and watch my classmates ignore me while they played. I only went to school because I was in line for valedictorian and didn't want to miss a thing. So one day I asked him if I could sit out, because it hurt so badly. I even told him why I was in pain, which is the last resort for any 12-14 year old girl to say to their male teacher. He refused, and I spent the whole class doubled over on the basketball court in pain, wishing menstrual cramps on him for all his life. I swear, if guys had a period for just one day, there would never be another PMS joke again. EVER!

I guess this is just a lesson to any future or current gym teachers out there: choose teams yourself to spare the unathletic, and allow sitting out for monthly pains.

I guess I can take solace in the fact that I was always picked first for spelldowns and Brain Quest.

My mom bought me a set of Brain Quest cards, 4th grade ones I think, and we'd do them on long car rides.

So were you guys the unwanted unathletic children or the stronger ones that shunned the kids who couldn't catch a ball to save their lives?

Monday, April 14, 2008

SVH Second Time Around

When I first heard that they were re-releasing SVH for today's teens, I wasn't too please, to say the least. I don't like change that much, especially with things that I loved as a child (I still get pissed at today's Polly Pockets). But, you know,if they just updated the slang and outfits to fit with today, maybe it would be okay. Not so. After reading the "SVH 2008" section on the Dairi Burger and the article on Go Fug Yourself, I'm pissed.

-No Dairi Burger. It's been renamed.
-Bruce drives a Cadillac, and doesn't have the 1bruce1 vanity plate. As the LJ group 1bruce1 puts it, "Who the hell gets seduced in a Cadillac?"
-Dana Larson is emo and the Droids was also renamed.
-No Lisette's. They all shop at name brand stores like Abercrombie and Hollister.
-Twins are now a perfect size 4.
-Here's Amazon's description of Power Play: "Jessica Wakefield is used to setting off sparks. But when she starts a new, highly selective club—the Sweet Valley High Beautification Committee—she begins a war with her twin sister.

Elizabeth knows that Jessica has more on her mind than simply cleaning up the SVH campus. It’s obvious that the Beauties are out to become the most elite group of girls at school, even if it means walking all over those they deem less worthy. Only one Wakefield can reign supreme. And Liz is determined to show Jessica that the final say on beauty won’t come from a committee vote."

WTF is that shit? No PBA? No fat Robin chowing down on candy bars while Elizabeth gives her a disapproving and condescending look? How can they call this SVH?

I don't know if this series will really do that well, even updated. I mean, look at the Gossip Girl series. They say fuck and have sex and drink and do drugs. SVH tries to make us believe that Jessica is still a virgin. SVH just isn't edgy or mature enough to compete. I read an excerpt of the first one and it was so bad, like an older person throwing in tons of name brands and cool lingo to make themselves sound hip, when really they're just overusing them.

Maybe my love for trashy 80's books and things I grew up with is clouding my judgment, but I have to give the new SVH a big thumbs down. What do you guys think?

Full House Stephanie Getting Even With The Flamingoes

YAY! My favorite FH Stephanie book! This is pretty much the exact same story as Stacey's Secret Friend, except with more neon. Obviously, this one is better. Oh yeah, and the nerdy girl's not secretly from Paris.

I got a lot of weird looks at this new library while I was perusing the juvenile fiction with my car keys and cell phone in my hand. The things I do for you guys, I swear. At least this library has their juvenile section just out in the open, where I can pretend to just be wandering around, unlike my local library, which has their juvenile section in another room. No pretending there!

This book begins with Stephanie searching for her black leather clogs before school. Michelle has totally trashed their room with all her stuffed animals and shit, and Stephanie's pissed. She's even more pissed when that little troll clomps upstairs in her clogs. Beat her! Steph and Michelle fight about the huge ass mess in the room, and for once Stephanie doesn't back down and apologize when Michelle calls her mean. Go Steph! Of course, since they're fighting the entire household has to come and butt in. That was something that always pissed me off about Full House. Do the adults just listen outside doorways and wait for fights to happen? Let them fight it out, I say. The fight ends with Stephanie saying that Michelle takes all her stuff without asking and is a huge slob. She tells Danny they need to do something about their room, and he agrees to let them redecorate it. Stephanie's happiness is short lived when she realizes that she missed the bus and now has to run all the way to school. Why can't DJ or Danny drive her? Or Joey? DJ might need to leave for school, and Danny might need to leave for work, but Joey doesn't do shit except sit around and leech off of his best friend. Dumb!

So Steph is late for homeroom, and gets reprimanded by her teacher. Stupid Michelle. Steph, Allie, and Darcy go to social studies class together, and the teacher has a new girl to introduce to everyone. Her name is Wendy Gorell, and man, is she clueless. She is short and thin, so at least there's that. However, she's wearing a lime green and yellow plaid knee-length skirt, saddle shoes, a hot pink blouse, and pigtails with bright yellow bows in them. Ouch! She also seems to be unaware that she looks like a piece of rainbow shit, because she has a huge stupid grin on her face. The teacher has her sit next to Stephanie, natch. The class is doing a report on popular culture, and Steph, Allie, and Darcy are doing theirs on fashion photography. Hopefully they get to see that hot piece of ass Nigel Barker! Of course, since they have a cool subject and Stephanie really is interested in it, the teacher tells her to work with Wendy instead. Wendy says "golly" a lot and wants to do their report on dolls. Stephanie asks if they can do something a little cooler, but Wendy doesn't get it. She also calls Steph "Stephie." The teacher starts asking the groups to give their topics, and Wendy announces that they're reporting on dolls before Steph can do anything. The other kids make fun of them, and Steph is super embarrassed.

Steph thinks when class ends she can escape Wendy, but Wendy ends up being in every one of her morning classes. She also has a "digital calendar" that Steph thinks is super dorky. Tell that to all the Palm Pilot and Blackberry owners, Stephanie. Wendy's all proud that it has 12K of memory, and I laugh. Oh, 1995. Wendy annoys the shit out of Steph all day, but Steph decides to try to be nice to her because it must be hard to be the new kid. She gives Wendy a tour, and Wendy blathers on and on about her shortwave radio and says golly a lot. Stephanie manages to escape her and runs into the caf for lunch.

...Or so she thought. She gets to the table where she, Allie, and Darcy sit and discovers that Wendy has been following her the whole time. Stephanie hopes her crush Brandon Fallow doesn't notice. Wendy asks the girls if they'd like to come over after school and play electronic jacks. Are you fucking kidding me? How nerdy can they make the girl? Even Mallory's looking cooler than her, and that's saying something. Stephanie declines the offer, saying that her aunt is taking the girls to the mall after school and her car only has room for 3 people. Allie, sitting back down after getting a drink, says she thought Steph's aunt had a station wagon. Stupid Allie. Steph makes an excuse and then tries to make a hasty escape. Yet again, Wendy follows her. As Steph walks past the Flamingoes' table she hears Jenni Morris make fun of Wendy.

(The Flamingoes, in case you've never read FH Stephanie before, are pretty much the same thing as the Unicorns, except dumber and bitchier. Jenni Morris is their leader, and they always wear something pink, have pink matching charm bracelets, and paint their pinky nail pink. Steph tried to join them in the first book, but they ended up trying to trick her into giving them her dad's phone card so one member could call her out-of-state boyfriend. DJ saved her from doing it, of course. Since then they've hated her.)

When Steph and Wendy return to the table Darcy and Allie are talking about the photoshoot they're going on for their social studies project. Stephanie is sad that she's going to miss it. Darcy and Allie tell her to come along anyway, but Stephanie says she promised her dad that she and Michelle would clean their room that day. Fashion shoot > cleaning your room, dumbass. Wendy starts going on and on about their doll project and says Steph can come over to her place to research it and listen to her shortwave radio, and Stephanie says the project will be better if they split it up: she'll do modern dolls and Wendy will do old-fashioned ones. Wendy isn't convinced this is a good idea, but Stephanie ignores her and stares at Brandon Fallow. She says that he's the cutest boy in school. He starts coming towards her table, and Wendy stands up and accidentally spills chocolate milk all over his face. She stands there and laughs and then asks Stephanie if she still thinks he's the cutest boy in school. Ouch!

Stephanie hides in the bathroom with Darcy and Allie, too humiliated to face anyone. D and A try to reassure her that Brandon didn't hear stupid Wendy's tactless comment. Jenni Morris and the Flamingoes walk in, and Jenni calls Wendy a geek and says the geekiness must be contagious so Steph better keep Wendy away from the Flamingoes. Um, okay. Then she tells Steph that she thinks Brandon is cute, too, and just her type, and walks out. Stephanie is horrified, because the Flamingoes all have huge mouths and will tell everyone what Wendy said. They go to their next class, and Wendy is in it. This school must not be too big. Wendy has no idea that she embarrassed Steph, because she's a tactless dumbass. She's also a dumbass because when this teacher has her come up and say something about herself she says that she loves her shortwave radio, dolls, and putting bows in her male poodle's hair, and then grins stupidly. The class starts chanting "Weird Wendy" and Wendy stands there, looking confused. Why doesn't the teacher tell them to shut up? Stephanie feels bad for Wendy.

What the fuck is a shortwave radio?

Stephanie, Darcy, and Allie meet up at the local hangout, Tony's Pizzeria, after school. Steph sees Brandon and tries to hide. Just then, Wendy walks in...with her grandma. Steph can't believe that Wendy would bring her grandma to such a cool place. If she just moved there, how would she know that this was the cool hangout in town? And what's so geeky about bringing her grandma? I bet she'll pay. Jenni Morris tells Wendy that there's a no geeks allowed policy, so she'll have to leave, but her grandma can stay. If only her grandma was TG, she'd whip that bitch into shape! "Making fun of my granddaughter? Arsenic in your pizza!" Oh wait, that's Corinne.

A few days later, Steph, Darcy, and Allie are hanging out in front of school before the bell rings. Steph tells her friends that she's been looking at wallpaper swatches for something bold and bright for her room. Speaking of bold and bright, they see Wendy, who is wearing neon green and bright purple. Subtlety is not Wendy's forte. Jenni Morris stops her and asks if she's going to her party. Wendy asks when it is, and Jenni asks if she got the invitation. Wendy says no, and Jenni says no invitation, no party. Jenni has the lamest bitchy comments and tricks, seriously. I mean, how stupid and immature was that? Jenni's supposed to be 2 years older than them, btw.

Steph, Darcy, and Allie talk some more at lunch about the room redecoration. Stephanie is thinking about some shelves for all of Michelle's shit and Darcy suggests just getting rid of Michelle. Go Darcy! Wendy enters the caf, and continuity isn't a big thing in this book, because now she is wearing a bright purple jumper, neon orange turtleneck, and Power Ranger bows in her pigtails. The original Power Rangers was fucking sweet. I was totally a Kimberly/Tommy 'shipper. I was also in 4th-5th grade, not 7th. Wendy obviously didn't get the memo that Jenni's a dumb bitch, because she asks if she can sit with them. They tell her only Flamingoes can sit there, and Wendy asks what a Flamingo is. Jenni says it's the coolest club in school and that she's the HBIC, and offers a chair for Wendy. As Wendy goes to sit in it, she pulls the chair away and Wendy ends up on the floor. The Flamingoes all laugh, and Wendy runs for the door. Steph takes off after her. Jenni needs to go take some sabotage lessons from Jessica Wakefield, because I'm not impressed.

After school, Stephanie helps Becky unload the groceries and tells her about Wendy and the Flamingoes. Becky gives the worst advice ever, saying that Stephanie's a good person and will know what to do or some crap like that. Thanks for nothing, Becky! Steph heads up to her room to find out her troll of a little sister has lined up all of her 8 million stuffed animals on the floor. She throws them on Michelle's bed and starts to look at a decorating magazine for ideas. She sees a room with futons and bikes and skis hanging from ceiling hooks and loves it. Futons are generally uncomfortable, Steph. She remembers that she's supposed to be working on her doll report, and thinks of Wendy. Suddenly she gets a great idea about what to do for Wendy, makeover!

The next day before school Steph tells Darcy and Allie that they should give Wendy a makeover and be friends with her and then maybe kids won't think she's so weird. Stephanie, you also are not Cher Horowitz. Maybe when you refuse to lay down while held at gunpoint because you'll ruin your Alaia dress we can talk. Darcy and Allie are not cool with this idea, because Wendy sucks as a dresser and as a person. Wendy enters the school, and Jenni shoves her. Her backpack comes open and a bunch of electronic pieces fall out. Jenni kicks them across the hall. I guess she took my advice, damn! A teacher heard the whole thing, and gives Jenni a week of detention. Jenni is hella pissed, and tells Wendy she's dead meat. She goes off to think of more stupid pranks, like telling Wendy her shoes are untied when they're not.

In social studies, Steph smiles at Wendy. Wendy takes this to mean that they're BFF, because she passes Steph a note asking her to get together with her after school so they can work on their report and signs it "Your friend, Wendy Gorell." Stephanie thinks that this is why it's so hard to be around Wendy, because one kind action makes her think they're best friends. At lunch, Steph tells Wendy that she has some things she needs to talk about in private with Darcy and Allie, and asks if Wendy could sit somewhere else. Wendy says okay, and as she passes the Flamingoes, Jenni asks her if Gross and Horrible designed her clothes. The Pink Panther obviously designed Jenni's ensemble, so I don't think she should talk. Wendy sits down at a nearby table, and the Flamingoes start shooting spitballs at her. Gross! Does one almost blind the gym teacher? Snaps to you if you get the reference! Stephanie yanks Wendy out and talks to her. She tells her that as long as she's different, the Flamingoes will pick on her. The Flamingoes are all about conformity, what with their similar outfits and such. Stephanie tells Wendy she'll help her fit in.

Stephanie and Wendy go to the mall after school. Steph tells her they need to change her clothes and hair first. Wendy is surprised, because likes her clothes and thinks they're cute. Stephanie tells her the three phases of the Make Wendy Cool project: 1 - change clothes and hair, 2 - no more golly, 3 - music and movie stars. You forgot personality, Steph. They enter a store, and Wendy spots a lime green and purple jumpsuit with bows on the shoulders and loves it. Stacy and Clinton would pass out from that monstrosity. Stephanie picks out clothes, and Wendy gets faded loose fit jeans with deep pockets; red, black, and white oversized t-shirts; black clogs; black leggings; and a denim miniskirt. They move on to accessories, and Steph hands Wendy some scrunchies and tells her to lose the pigtails and the bows. Haha, scrunchies!

Stephanie and Wendy go to Steph's house after the mall so Steph can teach her some more stuff. Michelle the troll is in their room, being an idiot. She tells Steph she has some ideas for their room. She says she doesn't think that little pieces of wallpaper all over the walls looks good. Stephanie tells her those are just samples taped up to see how they'd look. Michelle says she wants wallpaper like her puppy and kitten posters. Then she says she has an idea for more space, and that is bunk desks. Did their mom smoke crack while she was pregnant with Michelle? Stephanie tells her there's no way they're having puppy and kitten wallpaper, bunk desks don't exist, and GTFO. Michelle says she'll leave if they promise to play with her later. I would've threatened to punch her unless she leaves, but Stephanie just agrees. Michelle leaves, and Steph turns her attention to Wendy. Wendy tries on clothes, and tucks her t-shirt into her leggings. Ugh. Steph corrects her, and gives her a black sweater vest and velvet choker to borrow to wear with the outfit. Sweater vests should be banned. Danny bursts in and tells Steph he has some ideas for the room. He wants pink walls, flowered curtains, and a toy chest. Okay, maybe if it was just Michelle living in the room. Steph tells him she was thinking more about striped wallpaper, futons, and shelves. Joey runs in and asks Danny if he remembers the leak in the bathroom. Danny ignores him and tells Steph that wallpaper is hear to clean and shelves will get dusty. Joey tells Danny he tried to fix the leak. DJ runs in and says that the bathroom is flooded. Joey's not even good for chores, why the hell is he still living there? They all run out, and Wendy says their house has a lot going on. Steph says they can call it a day and tells Wendy to wear one of her new outfits the next day. Wendy asks Steph what she'll be wearing, and she pulls out her denim miniskirt, black clogs, lavender t-shirt, and black and white checked headband. This can't be good.

And it's not good! Wendy shows up at Steph's house the next morning in the exact same outfit. Stephanie hurries up and changes. Good thing she didn't show up to school like that! At the bus stop Darcy and Allie compliment Wendy on her outfit. Wendy tells them Steph picked it out, and they get all snotty. What's up their butts?

That weekend, Stephanie has Wendy over so DJ can help her with her clothes, too. Darcy and Allie are due to come later so they can all go out for pizza. They come, and act all sarcastic and bitchy about Wendy's clothes again. Stephanie ignores them and continues teaching Wendy stuff, like the art of the headband poof. You guys know it, and I'm sure you rocked it, as I did. You put on your headband a little too far back and then push it forward into place, creating a poof of hair in front of the headband. So sexy. Darcy and Allie are still ho-like. Wendy says something stupid about hippity-hop music and golly, and Steph tells her to quit saying golly and that it's hip hop, not hippity hop. Darcy and Allie laugh at her, and then say they have to go. Steph asks what about their pizza plans, and they say that was over an hour ago and now they have to go home. Darcy and Allie are being so lame. Steph's pissed, and walks them to the door. D and A tell her that it sucks that Wendy dresses just like Steph and goes everywhere with her and that the makeover has gone overboard. Steph is hurt, and D and A leave without saying goodbye. Adios, bitches!

Stephanie returns to her room to find Danny in it with a measuring tape. He says he's measuring for bunk beds. Steph tells him that's not what she wants, but Danny doesn't listen. She and Wendy leave for the pizza place. Of course, the Flamingoes are there. Jenni says that Wendy is Steph's little obedient puppy, and Stephanie cracks. She tells Jenni that the Flamingoes are the puppy dogs, since they dress alike, act alike, and even wear the same color. Jenni is shocked, and Steph grabs Wendy and leaves. Watch out, Steph, Jenni might bookdrop you in the halls tomorrow or something equally stupid.

Stephanie is fearful and Wendy is crying as they're walking home. Of course, almost immediately Becky pulls up and offers them a ride. Not only do the adults hover by doorways, but they follow the girls around town in their cars. She gives some more crappy non-advice, and takes the girls to the mall. She and Wendy spend time nerding around the antique dolls at the toy store while Steph impatiently waits. They run into Danny, who is all excited about the pale pink paint he just bought for Stephanie and Troll's room. Steph tells him again that she would like striped wallpaper, but he just tells her to give the pink a chance.

The next afternoon at school, Wendy has big news for Steph. Bobby Zayles, a hot guy that hangs out with Brandon Fallow has left a note in her locker, asking her if she wants to go out for pizza. Wendy is excited, and Stephanie says they'll find out if the not is real after school at football practice, because Bobby's on the team. Who goes to watch junior high football practice? Lame! Before practice begins, Wendy heads on over to Bobby and tells him that she'd love to go out for pizza with him. He tells her he doesn't know what she's talking about, he has a girlfriend, and he doesn't even know who Wendy is. Oh noes!

Of course the Flamingoes set up the practical joke, and it must've taken all of them to think that one up, because they are pretty damn stupid. Who would think they are still cool? They're in ninth grade and they pick on little seventh graders. I'd love to see Jenni the next year at high school, when she's the youngest in the school and not the coolest any more. Of course, she probably doesn't have to worry about that just yet, because she's so dumb she has at least another 3 years of ninth grade ahead of her. Anyway, Wendy is understandably upset, and runs home. Steph comes after her. Wendy's mom answers the door and tells Steph Wendy is downstairs. Steph goes down and comforts her, and they start thinkng of stuff to do to Jenni. Wendy says they can glue the pages of her schoolbooks together, but Steph says Jenni probably doesn't use them anyway, haha. They come with an idea to let the other Flamingoes know that Jenni talks shit about them, using Wendy's AV Club skills and Stephanie's position on the school newspaper.

Stephanie comes home and sees her dad with tons of pink fabric and lace. He tells her he got bedspreads and curtains for the bedroom. Stephanie gets mad and tells him once again that she doesn't want pink. Danny is confused. Stephanie storms off and then Danny joins her, and they call a truce. I don't know what they'll do with the new bedspreads, though.

Wendy and Steph execute their plan, and it goes off perfectly. Stephanie pretends to be interviewing Jenni during lunch for an upcoming issue of the school newspaper. Wendy is in the background, recording the whole interview. Jenni of course starts talking trash about the other Flamingoes and saying that she's the prettiest one and they're all jealous of her and they would be nothing without her. She's so dumb. She leaves, and Wendy tells Steph she has a surprise for her. Turns out that instead of recording the interview, Wendy aired the entire thing live over the loudspeaker so the entire cafeteria could hear it. Go Wendy! This is much better revenge than throwing food on someone. I'm looking at you, BSC.

Wendy and Stephanie go into the caf, and the other Flamingoes are yelling at Jenni. Jenni turns on Steph and Wendy, and Wendy says that they aired the entire interview, but how could they know Jenni would say such nasty things? All the other kids congratulate Wendy, which is puzzling to me. They make fun of her to go along with Jenni, and then befriend her to go against Jenni? What? Darcy and Allie congratulate Wendy, and she says golly. Stephanie asks her what she said about that word, and Wendy yells at Steph, tells her to quit running her life, and leaves. Stephanie is in shock, because she doesn't know how Wendy can be so ungrateful. Darcy and Allie say that maybe Wendy is right, and Stephanie gets pissed and leaves.

Stephanie and Danny have a talk at home after school about how he was trying to run her life and take over the room decorating without giving her any say in it. To be fair, Stephanie wasn't giving Michelle any say in it either, but then again, she suggested bunk desks, so I can't say I blame her there. Danny looks at the picture of the room Stephanie likes, and agrees that it is nice. He tells her that if Troll agrees to it then they can go for it.

Now it's the morning that Stephanie's doll report is due. She brings 3 of Michelle's dolls to school with her in a bag. She had to promise all sorts of shit to get them. I'd just take them, it's not like Michelle would notice if three of her millions of dolls were gone while she was at school for the day. These people let that troll run their lives too much. Stephanie sees Wendy at school and apaologizes to her. Wendy accepts her apology and introduces her to some AV Club members. They not only want Wendy to join, they want to make her president! Steph is happy for Wendy and tells her that she's totally unprepared for their report. Wendy says she has it all under control.

Report time! Stephanie looks like a damn fool with her three shitty dolls and totally wings it, and Wendy brings out some beautiful handmade antique dolls and gives the history on them, and tells that the women in her family have passed down their knowledge on how to make dolls for a long time. She then shows the class some doll clothes she recently designed and made, and they are beautiful. The class is impressed with Wendy's talent. The teacher gives them an A. I think only Wendy should get the A, because Stephanie was clearly unprepared and sucked ass. Plus, don't they need a paper and research to go along with their presentation? This class is way easy.

At lunch Stephanie, Darcy, and Allie talk and Stephanie says that Wendy is actually pretty cool, and Steph apologizes to them. They all make up, and I think Darcy and Allie should be apologizing for being little snots, but they don't.

At home, Danny tells Stephanie that DJ wants the pink paint for her room, and that they can go shopping for the stuff Steph wants for the room. This is the last we ever hear of it, that I know of, and I kind of wish we had seen what the room looked like in the show. Oh well!

Look at the size of that cordless phone! Remember when that shit was high tech? The phone and the scrunchie both seriously date this photo. Speaking of the fashion, I totally had a few different versions of Stephanie's earrings (they're silver stick figures, in case you can't see). Jodie Sweetin has a little hint of a snaggletooth, but I still can't figure out if it's that or something else that makes her smile so weird looking in this picture. How rude!

Speaking of Jodie Sweetin, let's all congratulate her on giving birth to a girl on Saturday! Go Jodie, you're way cooler than the Olsen twins any day!

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Discard shelf FTW!

My dad made me sit down and actually do my taxes today. He says I'm way late, but I say I'm 5 days early. Oh well. Anyway, I had to run to the library because we didn't have an instruction book for my state one. They ended up being out of them, so I hit up the discard shelf on my way out. They had a few SVH books, but they were all the later miniseries ones where you needed all the books or really boring ones that I didn't want. But, I did find about 5 or 6 first edition V.C. Andrews books, including 2 I didn't already have (I'm restraining myself from picking up every first edition book that I see, since I discovered that I have 3 copies of Secrets in the Morning, among others)! Score!

So I went to the library in the town where I went to high school in. It's big and new and beautiful, and I ran up to the juvenile fiction and happily discovered that unlike my crappy local library, they keep all of their old books. This means tons of BSC, Gymnasts, a few Girl Talk, and my favorite FH Stephanie book that I've been looking everywhere for. Sadly, I only saw one California Diaries book and no Friends Forever. The YA section was quite disappointing, but between the two libraries, I should be able to deal. I only hope the big one is in the same system as the crappy one is so that my card will be accepted!

I think the only reason I'm writing this is because I don't want to study for my test tonight. I'm still holding out the hope that there will be a water or gas leak, or that the rain will be so bad that school will be cancelled. Here's hoping!

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Still love it!

Do you guys remember the show Ready Or Not? It was Canadian (Canadians get the best teen dramas ever!), but they used to show edited episodes on the Disney Channel in the U.S. mid 90's or so. My crappy cable company had Disney Channel as a pay channel, but my friend had it, so we watched it all the time together. I loved it so much, and I remember the first episode I saw was when Amanda found out her parents were getting divorced and she ran away to the mall. The mall would totes be the coolest place to live, and I always think of her when I see the beds in department stores.

YouTube has some episodes, so I'll put the awesome eating disorder one up for you. P.S. You can download the entire series in BitTorrent. I love Amanda in the early ones, but she gets too selfish and boy crazy for me in the later ones. Busy is totally Randy, except for some reason I love her. My mind works in mysterious ways!

EDIT: Crap, the user made it so the videos aren't able to be embedded!

Here's Part 1:

Part 2:

Part 3:

This user has uploaded a bunch more episodes, too. Enjoy!

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Girl Talk #12 Drummer Girl

This has got to be one of the best Girl Talk books, not because it's actually good, but because it's so easy to make fun of. I laugh so hard every time I read it, seriously. Even the author knows that Randy is really a man, because the insinuations are numerous.

Randy really isn't my favorite character, but I don't hate her as much as Allison. She just has a lot of things about her that I find annoying, and seems too much of a stereotype of a non-conformist badass. Except she's not a badass. I don't know, you'll get it more as the book goes on.

The book opens with Randy's Italian teacher yelling at her for drumming in class. Randy's all pissed about it, but come on. Banging the desk with pencils during class would be annoying as shit. I get it that Randy's a musician and all, but if a member of the band pulled out their trumpet and started randomly blaring it in class it would be super annoying. Funny at times, I'm sure, but still annoying. So Randy - STFU.

Anyway, Randy decided to take Italian class because she used to see Italian films with her video and music director dad and because she likes Italian food. I've seen My Big Fat Greek Wedding a million times and love gyros, but I'm not about to learn Greek. Randy's dumb. The author agrees, because as soon as Randy leaves class she meets up with Sabrina. Yay! I find that I love Sabrina even more in books not about her, because she totally saves the book. Sabrina is all excited about the upcoming Battle of the Bands, which gets Randy thinking about what it would be like. She and Sabrina leave for their separate classes, and Randy spends all of Miss Munson's class daydreaming about the Battle of the Bands, hereby known as BotB. Her old school in New York never had one, so it can't be that cool. Another thing that pisses me off about Randy: she always talks about how New York is so much better than Acorn Falls. Go live with your dad then, ho!

Oh crap. Randy meets Allison in the hallway after class. Katie's there too, and they start talking about the BotB. Katie asks Allison if she's going to go, and Allison says she doesn't know because she may have to be spending that night reliving the time when she read over 100 books during the summer. Okay, she really said she just hadn't thought about it, I lied. I think my dialogue for Allison is better than what she really says, though. Randy tells her she can't sit at home and be lame, so Katie decides that they're all going. Sabrina the Fabulous joins them then and is super happy to find out that they're going. She asks Randy is her friend Spike's band is going to play. Randy doesn't know. Spike was one of the first people that Randy met when she moved to Acorn Falls, and she says his band is surprisingly good. Why surprisingly? Because they're in Acorn Falls, that's why. Good bands can only come from major cities, didn't you know? That's why Violet had to move to New York from New Jersey in Coyote Ugly. She knew that any songs written in New Jersey would not be accepted.

End sarcasm. Randy says there's only one other decent band in Acorn Falls besides Spike's band, and that's a band called Iron Wombat. If you are in a band, please name it that. I'd love you forever. Randy wonders if the BotB will be any good.

Randy is at home after school preparing to leave for the supermarket when her mom, M, calls after her and asks her to get more newspapers. Yes, she calls her mom M and her dad D. I call Randy L for LAME! M is an artist and she's in a papier mache phase right now. Is she building a jaguar? Can Tess help? They live in a converted barn that actually sounds pretty cool. I'd rather live in an old warehouse like my ho Alex Owens and run in place to "Maniac," though.

Randy skateboards to the grocery store, which is just so dumb. Who takes their skateboard there when they're going to be returning with bags of groceries? Stupid Randy. She sees Sabrina and her dad in the produce section. Sabrina is on a new diet, where she only eats kiwis and mangoes for 10 days. Fun? I'd rather have a cheeseburger diet. Sabrina is horrified to hear that Randy has gone grocery shopping while she's hungry, but Randy doesn't see the big deal until she almost buys a frozen pizza. Oh, the horrors! M doesn't like them to eat anything that isn't healthy. Pizza can be healthy! Sabrina's dad meets her at the checkout and asks if she wants a ride home. Randy declines because she wants to skateboard while it's still clear out. Dummy. As they are all exiting the store, Sabrina sees an ad for a guy named Troy Tanner, who is looking for a drummer for his band. Troy is the lead guitarist and singer for Iron Wombat! Sabrina makes Randy take one of the slips with his number on it, even though Randy says she's not into groups and clubs and stuff. Stop being a loner, Randy. She skateboards home and thinks about Iron Wombat. Their music is awesome, but their lyrics are awful. She decides that she would rather play drums by herself.

Randy gets home, and M tells her that her friend from New York, Sheck, called. Randy calls him back and tells him about the BotB and Iron Wombat. He convinces her togive Iron Wombat a chance and at least audition. She relents, and decides to call Troy Tanner after dinner. Sheck totally wants Randy, btw, you can so tell. Anyone who has read all of these books, do they get together later on? If not, then they need to. Well, if Randy was a girl, that is.

M drives Randy after school the next day to Troy Tanner's place for her audition. Troy answers the door, and is shocked to see that Randy is a girl. Well, at least dressed like one. He assumed she was a man because or her name and because she has a really deep voice. I totally choked I was laughing so hard after I read that. Troy doesn't want a girl in his band, but the other members convince him to let Randy at least audition. Don't worry, Troy, Randy's not really a girl. Troy's also 14 and insists on calling Randy "kid" even though she's just 2 years younger. Shut up, Troy. Randy kicks ass on her drums and impresses everyone, and is asked to join the band.

Sabrina has tons of questions next day at lunch about Troy. She thinks he's hot. Randy tells them about what a pain in the ass he is and crushes her dreams. Sabrina then asks what a wombat is, and of course Allison knows because she read over 100 books the past summer. She also knows how to properly eat a mango, which Sabrina did not. In fact, the only thing she doesn't know is how to be interesting.

Band practice. Troy bitches because Randy makes little changes to the drumming parts of their songs as she goes along. The other two members, Alton and Jim, tell him to lay off because she sounds better than their last drummer did. Troy says it's his band. Shut up, Troy. He also likes to flip his hair around a lot. What a girl. Randy gets him off his high horse by telling him that his lyrics suck, and he freaks out. The quiet band member, Jim, speaks up and says he agrees with Randy. Randy took a songwriting class back in New York, so Alton says that Troy can write the music and Randy can write the lyrics for their new song. Troy is pissed, and acts like an asshole for the rest of practice.

Troy calls Randy a week or so later and says he finished the music. He offers to come over to play it for her so she can hear it before she writes the lyrics. She's pissed because he took so long that she'll only have a few days to write the lyrics and then only a week for them to learn it before the BotB. Troy comes over and actually doesn't act like a jerk and he and Randy talk a bit. He brought his guitar over and he plays the song for Randy. She studies him while he's playing, and if she were truly female I'd think she might be getting a crush on him. She tells him the song was awesome, and he says she got him so mad the other day that he wanted to write something that would blow her away. She thinks about this as they join M for a dinner of Chinese food. M thinks pizza is junk food but eats Chinese takeout? I don't think fried wontons are exactly healthy. Delicious, yes, but healthy, not so much.

Randy writes the song and Iron Wombat practices like crazy. She's coming home one day and she runs right into Sheck. Sweet! I like Sheck, even if he has an unfortunate name. He says he couldn't miss her performance at the BotB. Sheck totally wants to get into Randy's pants, but I have a feeling he won't like what's in there. There's a little bit of Randy's thoughts that kind of make it seem like she may want him, too. They go to the video store to get a horror film while M makes them pizza. Yes, that's right, she's making them pizza. I think M may be crazy. Possibly because she gave birth to Randy.

The next morning M starts telling Randy how proud she is of her for writing the song and being creative and shit. Sheck wakes up and asks Randy if anyone is working her sound boards. Randy says no one, and Sheck volunteers to do it. They go off to Troy's for band practice. Alton and Jim are cool with Sheck, but Troy starts acting all possessive and shit. Randy's HIS man, Sheck! He tells Sheck he can't work the board and that they're having a closed practice so he needs to GTFO. Randy gets understandably pissed, tells Troy she quits, and leaves.

Telephone Talk: Randy tells the girls what happened at practice, and both Alton and Jim call her and convince her to come back.

The night of the BotB, Sheck starts cooking Thai food for Randy. Is Thai food good? I've never had it, but I'd like to try it sometime. Randy's all nervous and hyper, so Sheck puts on a tape for her and she drums along with it. The girls come ovr with some surprises for Randy. They made posters that say "Iron Wombat is #1!" and used a silk screening kit to put "Iron Wombat" on the back of jean jackets for Randy and themselves. Sheck tells them the food is done, and Katie is shocked to see that there are chopsticks instead of silverware. Sabrina knows how to use them, though, because she learned after she had heard that famous actresses use them, so she teaches Katie and Allison. They all eat, and it sounds pretty good, but maybe I'm just hungry. M surprises Randy with a chocolate cake for dessert. Chocolate cake is definitely healthy. The thought of it is also making my tummy growl. Randy hurries up and eats, because she has to get ready and leave soon. Sabrina's brother comes and picks up the girls and they leave.

BotB! Randy thinks Sheck is looking mighty fine, but not as sexy as herself. She's wearing a black sleeveless minidress, black and white tie-dyed tights, and black oxford shoes. Not hot. Troy asks to speak to Randy alone backstage, and apologizes to her for being a dick. Then he asks her out. She's shocked, and says she'll think about it. Ouch. Sheck comes over to her afterwards and asks if he asked her out. She says yes, and he gets all sad. She says she doesn't know if she'll go, because dating (guys) is not really for her. Sheck is happy, until Randy says she still might go. Then he's sad again. Poor Sheck. Iron Wombat takes the stage, and kicks ass. Randy is proud, and says it doesn't matter if they win or lose the BotB. I guess it really doesn't, because we never find out if they do or not since the book ends there.

Randy's spiky mullet looks especially bad on this cover, and she also looks especially manly. Katie's face looks kind of weird, Sabrina looks sexy as always, and Allison actually looks kind of hot. I love how Katie's making the jackets, Allison's making the posters, and Sabrina's just sitting there talking on the phone. That's my ho!

If any of you guys have any (non-personal) blogs you'd like me to link on my page, just leave a comment with a link and I'll put it up...IF YOU'RE LUCKY! No, seriously, I'll do it.