Saturday, March 1, 2008

Poll for March

52% of you agreed that Watson made his millions by pimping out Stacey! She must be good.

So this month our questions is: Who's the biggest ho (and you can't say me!)?

Cathy - Now that we've had Petals on the Wind finally, we know the extent of Cathy's slut-tastic life. She's left a string of lovers behind her, all dead and 1 related, and doesn't think twice about giving herself as a birthday gift.

Stacey - Hey, you guys think that Watson pimped her out! Plus, she seemed to have a different boyfriend in just about every one of the earlier books. I'd say that Claudia had good ho potential, too, but I like her more than Stacey and she didn't turn tricks for Watson.

Jessica - Jessica may be the biggest ho in Sweet Valley, but is she the biggest one in our poll? Like Stacey, Jessica pretty much had a new boyfriend every week, and would even get second ones when she went on vacation. Francine Pascal's ghostwriter says Jessica's a virgin, but I don't believe it for a second.

Mrs. Pike - Mrs. Pike continued to have children (and lots of them!) after she gave birth to Mallory. I'm pretty sure any normal person would be scared to have any more, but Mrs. Pike was too broke from buying bologna and tennis balls for Daddy Stew to afford birth control.

Voting ends on April Fool's Day!


emily said...

i say cathy - none of the others actually managed to have all of their sexual relationships be quite so fucked up.

i mean, first there was chris, who was not only her brother, which is amazingly disturbing, but he was also an emotionally abusive rapist.

then there was bart, who was old enough to be her father, and was her mother's boyfriend.

next came paul, who was her stepfather (so screwed up) and who she gave herself to as a birthday gift.

and finally, there was julian, another emotionally abusive rapist.

you would almost feel sorry for her, if it weren't her fault.

miss-myu said...

Cathy - I've never read a VC Andrews book and with every review you wrote I was like "This cannot possibly get any worse", yet it did.

I like how it's listed under 'horror' on Amazon.

blue828 said...

Aw, poor Cathy. I guess she's a ho in that she's willing to trade sexual favors for getting what she wants (or she's too damn lazy to run down the store to actually get a birthday gift so she just wraps herself up instead), but at least she kept it between 4 men her whole life. Shit, Jessica could go through 4 guys in a weekend-- and she's also not above using sex (or since no one ever actually gets laid in Sweet Valley, the closest thing to it) to get her some nerd to get a better grade in class, dating the skeezy photographer trying to get in a magazine, etc.

I really must choose Jessica as the maximum ho of this group.

I know you addressed this Snapple, but I really don't understand how in so many BSC forums Stacey gets hit with the ho label yet Claudia escapes it each time? If you count up the number of guys SHE'S hooked up with, she could put Stacey to shame. Don't get me wrong, Stacey may be the BSC version of Brett Michaels, but Claudia is like, the BSC answer to Scott Baio, circa 1988.

snappleaddict said...

My heart is filled with so much love for Claudia that she is MY ho, but not A ho. I think maybe I need to get a new word to describe people I like.

The only reason I can give for anyone else considering Stacey a ho and not Claudia is that it seems that Stacey drops her friends and acts like an ass when she gets a new guy (Stacey's Lie, Boy-Crazy Stacey, Mary Anne and Too Many Boys), but Claudia doesn't really, that I can remember at least.

snappleaddict said...

Oh yeah, and I always thought Cathy gave herself to Paul for his birthday because she was too lazy or cheap to get him a real present, too, lol.

My personal vote was for Mrs. Pike, because there's no way I'd have sex again after said sex produced Mallory.