Tuesday, January 26, 2010

BSC VHS Dawn Saves The Trees

This is my second viewing of this episode, and I have to say, it is truly terrible. Actually, it may be my third. I think I actually saw it when the show was on the air either on HBO or Disney Channel back in the early 90's. I only remember seeing part of this episode and the one where Kristy forces Charlotte to run for president of something. Anyway, this episode is HORRIBLE, which translates to snarky. Can we start a petition to Scholastic to get this series released on DVD already?

The BSC traipses through some random woods with a bunch of kids to the theme song. Confession time: I have the theme song on my iPod. I love it. WHOA, just had a Kristy-sized great idea - I should totally make it into a ringtone! It'd be way cooler than what I have now (Pepper by the Butthole Surfers). I digress.

The actress who plays Dawn is super pretty, I must say. I always liked her, even if her hair wasn't long enough. Mallory's hair is not half-bad in this ep; she actually looks like a normal human being! I don't know if I mentionaed it in the last recap of the show I did, but I preferred the actresses in the show to the actresses in the movie, I just thought they looked more like the characters, even if Claudia didn't quite look that Japanese and Jessi wasn't black enough.

Dawn's catching tadpoles with some random ugly little boy. He isn't named, but he says he's going to grow up and be a chef and cook peanut butter and honey sandwiches so I know he must be Jamie Newton. LOL, I'm a BSC trivia winner. I always hated Jamie. I'm waiting for Jackie Rodowsky to show up. I never cared for him, either, but Danny Tamberelli, aka Little Pete, played him, and I have a fondness for all things old school Nickelodeon. Farewell, Little Viking (still brings a tear to my eye)!

Stacey and Mary Anne are laying together on a blanket while the rest of the club does all the work with the kids hanging pinecone bird feeders. Lazy hos. Stacey says that whenever she got homesick as a kid she used to look at the sky and pretend her parents were looking at it too and she didn't feel so bad. Mary Anne, ever the Debbie Downer, wonders if her dead mom is looking at it too. Stacey is rocking some fierce red lipstick to go with her poodle perm.

Jamie finds a baby bird on the ground and the BSC has to get all PSA on why you can't pick it up. Charlotte says that since her mom is a doctor and knows the emergency number for people, maybe she'll know the emergency number for animals, too! Um, Charlotte? I'm hedging a guess here, but isn't the emergency number for people 911? Fuck, and I only have my bachelor's degree! No one picks up on this, so I'd hate to be Mary Anne if Jenny Prezzioso has another 104 degree fever, or Claudia if Betsy Sobak pulls another practical joke on her, of Stacey if she has an insulin reaction, or Jessi if she's hanging out with Tupac in Vegas. They all merrily set off on their way, and come upon a surveyor. OH NOES! Dawn angrily accosts him and discovers they are going to build a road through the woods. She shits her Guess overalls.

BSC meeting. Mrs. Newton calls and wants a sitter. She says Jamie keeps talking about their "special place." Don't tell me you didn't picture Pedobear! He means the woods, not no-no areas. Dawn bitches some more about the road being put in. She says they have rights and need to be heard!

The next day or some shit, they go to the town hall and get a bunch of literature on the road. Dawn bitches that it's too much to read. Fuck, there's no pleasing this cunt! She totally dumps it all in the trash instead of recycling it and decides to take the easy way out and start a petition instead of educating herself. I hate people who protest things when they don't even bother to learn both sides first. Oh, and of course they suggest to have all the kids sign the petition. Pretty sure a seven-year-old's signature isn't going to have much weight on a petition, but nice try. Kristy is wearing a fanny-pack, by the way.

The girls see Dawn's crush of the episode, and lo and behold, he's played by a young Zach Braff! I didn't think it was possible, but he was even uglier back then. He's hanging out with Logan, and his name is now irrelevant to this episode because he's just going to be referred to as Zach Braff. Dawn loves his goofy looking face, and totally checks out his ass as he leaves. Mary Anne or someone says she thinks Zach Braff likes Dawn.

LITTLE PETE! I love how he's just randomly thrown in with a bunch of other kids, just because he's freaking adorable and because someone could totally see in the future and knew he would become iconic. Anyway, Little Pete (I don't know why Archie and Shea are never in any BSC shows), Becca, and Charlotte are coloring or some crap while Mallory, Stacey, and Claudia are helping them. Oh wait, didn't watch far enough ahead. Nope, the BSC is using the kids as child labor and they are making protest signs. No, really. Jessi randomly appears and let's them play Mother May I. Dawn comes and breaks up the game and sets those kids back to work! Kristy and Mary Anne run up with fliers, because you know the BSC is all about fliers, and says that they're going on a double date with Bart and Logan. Dawn gets her hemp panties all in a bunch until she hears that Zach Braff will be there too and wants her to come.

Dawn is getting ready for her date with Zach Braff. Kristy and Mary Anne are there. Dawn looks gorgeous, seriously. Her hair is all up in a bun and she looks about 19 or 20. I wonder how old the actress who played her was when she filmed this? Google search has turned nothing up. Anyway, Kristy and Mary Anne tell her she can get all intense about the environment and shit blah blah blah. Dawn of course gets all defensive blah blah blah. Kristy then asks her why she isn't wearing her hair down because it looks better down. I disagree, it looks good down, too, but she looks absolutely gorgeous right now. I hope I can find a screencap. Dawn starts to pull it out of its bun and Mary Anne asks her what she's doing. Dawn snots that they said it looked better down so she's putting it down. It's all very dumb. The doorbell rings. Cut to Kristy and Mary Anne waiting downstairs with Logan and Zach Braff. Dawn is still fixing her hair because, yeah, it did look like shit after taking it out of the bun. Kristy, by the way, is still wearing her fanny pack. Don't take hair advice from her. Dawn comes downstairs with her hair half up and half down. Zach Braff and his mullet ask her about the protest signs and she tells her about the road through the woods. Apparently he thinks the road is a good thing because then more people will get to enjoy the woods. Oh, and his mom commissioned the whole thing. Dawn pitches a fit and refuses to go out with Zach Braff.

Protest time. Dawn has a bunch of children circle around chanting "Save our trees!" while she talks to a reporter from the Stoneybrook News. Where are these kids' parents? Later on, the BSC looks at themselves in the paper and Dawn basically says how she's only one who cares blah blah blah and Kristy brings up Zach Braff and tries to tell her to keep her friends close and her enemies closer, but Dawn doesn't get it. Dawn sucks.

Hearing or something important and court-like looking or whatever time. I'm so over this episode. Next time I do a BSC video I'm making it into a drinking game so by the end I'm totally hammered. That way, you'll get my drunken bitchy remarks and I'll be so vodka-ed up I won't give a damn about this awful show. It's a win-win situation! Anyway, the judge or official-looking lady or whatever opens up the floor or something. Dawn stands up and says she opposes the road. Official Lady says, "Excuse me, but can you please state your name and your affiliation?" Snappleaddict: don'tsayBSCdon'tsayBSCdon'tsayBSC...Dawn: I'm Dawn Schafer, and I represent The Baby-Sitters Club! *headdesk* Dawn starts bitching about global warming and extinction (for 12 trees? in Connecticut?) and shit and Official Lady says that the road will give more people an opportunity to enjoy the woods. Dawn then starts bitching about how more people will bring more pollution and Official Lady interrupts her and says that maybe if she had studied the proposal (the stack of papers her lazy ass threw out) she would've seen that they planned all this shit for crap for sanitation and waste management to minimize pollution. OWNED! Furthermore, the road is designed to be accessible for the elderly and the handicapped. Dawn sputters. Throughout all this Zach Braff is throwing some amusing looks. The committee votes, and it's unanimous for the road.

After the hearing the BSC basically tells Dawn she sucks and needs to study her shit and come up with a plan instead of just saying things are wrong and not having a reason for why. Then for some reason they think talking to Zach Braff will get the committee to change the decision about the road. Okay, 1. If I was Zach Braff and Dawn acted like such a bitch to me, I'd never talk to her again, no matter how hot she is. Go for Stacey, she puts out. And 2. How the fuck can Zach Braff change a whole committee's decision?

Dawn is sitting and making paper cranes. Remember that book about the girl who got cancer from WW2 and she needed to make a million paper cranes or something? That was a good book. Anyway, Zach Braff comes up for some unknown reason (I guess Stacey turned him down or something) and Dawn shows him that she actually can read by bringing up other parks with similar problems (from California, natch) and that they can make a packed dirt road instead that winds around the trees, so no trees are harmed and it's still handicapped accessible.

Oh, I guess Official Lady is actually Mrs. Braff. Zach Braff shows her a map Claudia drew of the woods with the dirt roads in and she loves it and the day is saved!

The show ends with stupid Jamie and the bird being released back into the wild by some city official person. Apparently Charlotte's mom came through. Theme song!

Screencaps taken from the BSC Cover Art Gallery linked on the left.

"Fuck the handicapped!" (P.S. Look at Zach Braff staring at her over her shoulder.)

Way cuter with her hair up, even Kristy wants to French her.

Still ugly.

Kristy wears that damn fanny pack the whole fucking episode.

Mallory looking not like a spazoid.

Is that Morbidda Destiny? Nope, just Mrs. Braff! Oh, and Zach Braff totally has a boner.

Dawn and Zach Braff making a million paper cranes.


nikki said...

This is definitely the worst show of the series.

Zach Braff, not so good looking. But he gets a pass for his excellent taste in music and his little radio show introduced me to the songwriting stylings of Schuyler Fisk. AKA Kristy from the BSC movie. It's like six degrees of BSC over here!

TessieBambos said...

I love the BSC videos. They are so...eighties! Staceys hot (not) perm, Mal as a frizzball (like you weren't thinking it)the raincoats and bikes and 'wild clothes'! Aren't they awesome? Anyway, I'm so glad you recapped this one! Its so crappy an snarkworthy! Also , I'm pretty sure it was Whitney that Krist made president or whatever. And Jackie the 'walking disaster' as they so kindly label him, had a crush on this random who was never heard of again! I have that one too....I have most of them on video (-blushes-) Sorry about all me comments....I can't resist, I love comments!!

P.S I'd sign that petition!!!!

TessieBambos said...

Sorry. Another comment!

I agree, Dawn looks great with her hair up! And why would anyone follow Kristy's fashion advice anyway?

Ugh. Jamie Newton. Limit it to one hi, kid, its not that hard!! How'd he learn that? Dumbass.

If the theme song is your ringtone can I be your best friend? :D

Anonymous said...

"She shits her Guess overalls."

I'm pretty shocked this show had the budget to dress her in Guess. Perhaps the actresses had to supply their own wardrobes, and these belonged to Melissa Chasse? (Sidebar, how sad that I remember TV Dawn's real name off the top of my head?).

Yeah, none of these episodes were like, emmy worthy, but this is definitely the most cringeworthy episode of all. I do remember giggling hysterically that Dawn just dropped the entire stack of literature in the trash and kept walking. Sadly, I think I even rewound it and watched that part again. The things that amused 9 year old me.

snappleaddict said...

Were Guess jeans expensive back then? I had Guess overalls around that time, but they were hand me downs from my cousins. I don't think Guess overalls are very California casual, though. Definitely not as cool as sweatpants turned into a skirt. HOLY FUCK I DIDN'T DO THAT BOOK YET. That'll definitely be coming up.

I'm not kidding about making the theme song into my ringtone, sadly. It's going to happen.

TessieBambos said...

I wasn't kidding either! :D And it BETTER happen!

Anonymous said...

I think Guess was pretty expensive in the early 90s. Actually, I know it was, because I was a total label whore in the early to mid nineties, and only wore Calvin Klein and Guess. I went to a very affluent middle school and read a lot of Seventeen at the time so I was easily brainwashed into thinking spending all my allowance and babysitting money on $88 Calvin Klein overalls was a capital idea. Me and all my friends all bought into the idea of needlessly expensive = must have. Thankfully, that phase ended as soon as I entered high school (although the phases that followed were no better).

snappleaddict said...

Shit, I was stylin' and didn't even know it. I wore those overalls when it was too cold for my spandex pants.

Anonymous said...

How could you not have the BSC theme song on your ring tone?? I loved it back then and I still LOVE it! The song reminds me of the songs from the Teen Witch movie! Ok I'm going to youtube now lol I thought Stacy was so pretty and I liked her permy hair. Which may be the reason I was obsessed with Jordan from Sorority Life later on in life....

Amber said...

I used to think Zach Braff was kind of cute but then I saw him in person. From the side he isn't that bad but straight-on, he's pretty frightening.

Jen said...

God, these are terrible in the BEST WAY. I've been collecting as many BSC videos as I can at Goodwill.

I think the BSC tv show was much better cast than the movie. Even though tv Claudia isn't asian, it's still so much closer to how I pictured them in the book. Especially Kristy. I HATED movie version of Kristy.

Perhaps I'd been brainwashed by watching this first on the Disney channel?

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