Wednesday, April 2, 2008

I didn't abandon you, I swear!

I know, I know. I've been a lazy ass ho. Spring Break came and provided me with much needed sleep, and my teachers are all cruel so they made the week after Spring Break the time for all the tests, papers, quizzes, and big homework assignments. Blame them for no posts, not me! Plus two of my cousins are getting married soon (not to each other, my last name isn't Dollanganger. Or Foxworth. Or Cutler. Or Tatterton. Or Tate. Or...well, you get the picture.) so I've had wedding showers and crap to go to, and I really need/want a new pair of shoes to go with my dress, and oh yeah, I'm going to be an aunt! I'll have a little nephew in August to read SVH and BSC to at bedtime. Best aunt ever!

Since I feel obligated to do something, I'll make a new poll! Cathy took 42% of your votes in March's biggest ho contest, with Jessica Wakefield in second at 32%, Mrs. Pike in third with 13%, and Stacey McGill bringing up the rear (hee!) with 11%. Go Cathy, and watch out for the herp!

So, after much pondering (or not), our question for April is actually not sarcastic or mean spirited. Well, maybe it is a little. I usually call people I love my hoes, so I want to know, who is your main (fictional) ho?

Sabrina Wells - Anyone who wears baggy gym shorts with neon tights deserves to win. Plus she must be super nice, because she continues to hang out with boring ass Allison. Ugh, just typing that name is putting me to sleep. Think happy Sabrina thoughts! I totally want to lay around Sabrina's sweet attic room and read back issues of CosmoGirl with her. I'd probably hit on Sam, too, but that's another story.

Lila Fowler - Damn I love Lila. She's beautiful, rich, perfect, and knows it. She also manages to be popular even though she's a lowly brunette. She has a kickass mansion that's so big you could probably hide out in one of the guest rooms for a few months without anyone noticing, too. Ooh, and if you want a new expensive blue scarf, she'll totally shoplift one for you. She also almost got Mr. Collins fired by accusing him of molesting her. *EDIT: I screwed up! She didn't accuse Mr. Collins, she accused her therapist. She's still awesome, though. Thanks to Morgan for pointing this out!* Is there anything actually bad about this girl?

Claudia Kishi - It's my personal opinion that Claudia is a way cooler dresser than Stacey, because she just doesn't give a shit. Matching is a concept that Claudia has never heard of (neither is Phonics), and I kind of like to picture her getting up every morning, putting on a blindfold, and grabbing random articles of clothing and accessories and putting them on and working it. Stacey could never pull off dressing like a watermelon or a Ms. Frizzle. NEVER!

Olivia Winfield Foxworth a.k.a. TG - TG's the coolest granny around! She could've turned her negligee-loving daughter and 4 kids out on the streets, but instead let them stay in her awesome mansion. And come on, she was as disgusted by the prospect of incest as we were, and tried to beat it out of Chris and Cathy. Too bad it didn't work. She also had a sweet dollhouse as a little girl, and you know if she let Corinne and all her brats play with it we totally could, too. She'd even get up early every day and prepare a whole day's worth of food for you, and warn you against eating Corinne's special doughnuts. TG rocks!

Voting ends May 1!

9 comments:

blue828 said...

I vote for Lila.

You know what would be an interesting poll for all the V.C. fans here? I was wondering who was the sickest brother. (Sick in a bad way, not the Laguna Beach way).

I mean, all the brothers have been pretty damn inappropriate, but some have better excuses than others. Linden (wasn't that his name, from Willow), Paul Tate, Phillip Cutler, and Brody Hudson didn't know the girl they were constantly hitting on was their sister at first. However, 3 out of the 4 refused to move on after they found out, so ew. Plus, 2 out of the 4 became downright abusive to their sisters. Chris Dollanganger knew the whole time, but he was locked in an attic so certain psychological problems are to be expected. In a way, Jimmy Longchamp and Roy (can't remember his last name, from Rain) were actually worse, because even though neither one technically committed incest, they went on to not only marry/obsess over girls they had believed to be their sisters for at least 15 years, but both actually admitted they'd wanted to date the girls back when they still believed themselves to be their brothers!

I think Jimmy even told Dawn he had wished he wasn't her brother (back when he thought he was)because he wanted her for a girlfriend. At least Chris treated Cathy like a normal sister for her first 12 years. My vote would be a tie between Jimmy, just for the above reason, and Philip, who rapes every blond he can get locked into a room with him.

snappleaddict said...

Creepiest V.C. Andrews male (Tony Tatterton and Cat's dad define creepy for me) is a good possibility for the May poll. I wish I could do two polls at once!

Miss Bliss said...

So much love for Claudia...

snappleaddict said...

I guess it's a battle to the death between Claudia and Lila. Poor Sabrina and TG.

BurtonFanatic said...

My vote goes to Claudia! Mostly because of her awesome earrings.

I'm totally bummed that Jessica didn't win biggest ho! I think that Cathy isn't a ho, just majorly f*ed in the head.

Fear Street said...

GO GRANNY!

BadKat said...

Oh hell no, TG all the way. She totally did what I would do if I had any kids, lock them in an attic!

Morgan said...

Lila didn't accuse Mr. Collins of anything. Suzanne Devlin (friend from New York) did in the book "Too Good To Be True." After the John thing Lila wrongly accused her therapist Nathan in the Jungle Prom book.

snappleaddict said...

Oops! You're right!