Monday, January 28, 2008

BSC Super Special #7 Snowbound

I fucking LOVED Snowbound as a child, but I never owned it. I was super stoked when my boyfriend pulled it off the thrift store shelf, and I read it last night on the train ride home. I probably creeped out the guy next to me, but he just wishes he was this cool.

So since Super Specials are set up differently from regular BSC books, and this one is kind of hard to do chapter by chapter, I'll just recap it by each character.

The main thing that goes on is that there's tons of snow predicted for Stoneybrook, but no one believes it because there have been predictions of snow for the past week or so and they haven't gotten any. Of course, when everyone is out and inconvenienced, the snow hits.

Kristy: The book starts off with Karen asking Kristy to button up her sweater, which she is wearing on her legs as sweater pants. Damn it, Karen, why do you piss me off so much? At least she wasn't given a chapter in this book. Instead of smacking Karen for being a damn idiot, Kristy obliges, and then continues to get ready for Bart, who is coming over to watch some movies. Kristy is all nervous, and I have no idea why. She's about as straight as Jessi is white. Anyway, Kristy asks Nannie to watch Karen, Andrew, David Michael, and Emily Michelle while she's hanging out with Bart. The little kids don't know what lesbians are, so they're all (except for Emily Michelle) teasing Kristy for having a boyfriend. Kristy again doesn't smack them, and answers the door when Bart comes.

There's some awkwardness as Kristy turns around after putting the movie in the VCR only to discover that Bart is sitting in the dead center of the couch. She doesn't want to sit right next to him because she likes girls, so she sits on the floor. Smooth, K-dawg. Bart moves to the floor right next to her, and they happily watch Uncle Buck (good choice!) in peace. Not. The little kids come in one by one and annoy the piss out of me. Way to watch them, Nannie. You fail at life. Oh yeah, and Karen's dirty pet rat is missing.

By then it's time for dinner anyway, so Bart and Kristy join her family. While they're eating, the snow starts. Watson decides after dinner that it's too bad out for Bart to walk home, and that he will wait a little bit for it to clear up so he can drive him. Silly fool. After dessert, it's gotten worse (duh), so Bart calls home to tell his parents that he's staying the night at Kristy's, and the phone goes dead in the middle of his call. Soon afterwards, the lights go out.

Everyone goes to bed while Kristy obsesses in her room about Bart accidentally seeing her in her pajamas and how she's going to look in the morning. I don't buy it. She gets up super early and takes a shower. After that she decides to shave her legs for the first time and doesn't see the big deal about what they look like. Manly men prefer hair. She stupidly starts to curl her wet hair with a curling iron, but then thinks again and uses Charlie's blowdryer. Oh, Charlie. She attempts to put on makeup, too. When she's finally done there's a line of guys outside the bathroom. Don't they live in a mansion? I doubt the place only has one bathroom. Plus the guys can go pee outside.

Bart tells Kristy she looks hot, and comments on the buttload of snow outside. Kristy tries to call the other members of the BSC, and finds out that Jessi is stuck at her dance school, Claudia spent the night at the Perkinses', Mallory and Mary Anne were at the Pike's, and no one knew where Stacey was. Oh noes!

No mention of Bart again, and a few days later the editor of the Stoneybrook News calls Kristy and says that she'd like the club's submissions of what they all did during the blizzard. I am so sure. Thye compile a letter and send it in, and Karen adds at the end that she found her dirty rat; David Michael had "ratnapped" her. Shut up, Karen.

Claudia: Claudia is babysitting for Myriah, Gabbie, and Laura Perkins. I have always disliked them. When the snow starts, Mr. and Mrs. Perkins call and say that they tried to come home, but the roads were too bad and they had to turn around and go back to their friends' house. Claudia basically has no choice but to stay with the girls. They can't find their dog Chewy, who I adore, but then they locate him in the basement. The lights go out and the girls are all scared and then they all go to bed and wake up in the morning and their parents come home. It was all quite boring, trust me.

Stacey: Stacey and her mom go to Washington Mall so Stacey can get a new perm. I love this storyline already. Unfortunately they don't buy any stirrup pants or jumpsuits, and instead try to go home as the storm starts right after Stacey's perm is done. Mrs. McGill decides to take the back roads instead of the highway, because she is a complete dumbass, and is soon unable to see anything in front of her. She stupidly stops the car so she can try to wait it out, and is shocked when she tries to move it again and the tires are buried underneath the snow. Dumb. Ass.

So they sit in the car with the heater on, until it suddenly goes out. Mrs. McGill realizes that they run out of gas. There's no one around, so they're stranded. There'd be people on the highway that Mrs. McGill had pulled off of, but she had to think that the back roads were safer. Mrs. McGill starts freaking out because Stacey has diabetes (oh wow, I completely forgot!) and needs to eat and inject her insulin. Stacey calms her down by showing her the insulin injection kit she always carries with herself and a snack that she had packed. Just then, there's a knock on the window. It's some strange guy and he asks if their car has broken down. Here's your sign! He tells them that his home is a few houses down and that they are welcome to stay with him, his wife, and his baby son. Stacey doesn't want to go off with a stranger at first, but after hearing there was a baby she decides that it's okay. Because mass murderers don't have babies, see?

They go back t the guy's house, and everything is perfectly normal. The guy's wife fixes Stacey a special diabetes dinner, and Stacey reads to the baby. Everything is cool, and the next day they call Triple A and get the car started and go home.

Jessi: Jessi is all pissed that the snow is all white, and deems it to be racist. Just kidding! Jessi is at a dress rehearsal for the Nutcracker at her dance school, and Quint is coming from New York to see the show and to go to the upcoming dance with her. Side note: remember the Quints dolls? I had the potty training set, so every time I read Quint's name I think of five peeing dolls. I don't know.

So the snow starts, no parents can make it to pick up anyone, and Jessi is worried about Quint being stranded at the train station. She comforts some little kids while they all pass out cookies and ramen, and Quint suddenly shows up. He says that he figured Jessi's dad couldn't make it out to get him, so he asked someone from the train station for directions to the dance school and walked. How come Quint, who isn't even from Stoneybrook, could walk to a dance school he's never seen but Bart couldn't walk a few houses down to his own house? Dumb!

They get all the little kids to sleep and Jessi says she's starving but the thought of more slimy ramen makes her sick. Wait until you get to college, Jessi. Plus, she's not really in the position to be picky, and she's lucky that the dance school even has any food. Bitch.

They all ake up the next day and the restaurant across the street gives them free breakfast and then Jessi's dad and the other parents come and they all go home.

Dawn: Dawn and her mom set out to the airport to pick up her brother Jeff, who is flying in from California. Their parents must have some sweet frequent flyer miles, because Dawn and Jeff are always flying back and forth. The snow starts on their way to the airport, but they make it there. They find out that Jeff's flight has been re-routed to Washington, D.C. because of the snow, and spend the night in the airport. The next day the plane finally arrives, and Jeff is fine, having stayed the night in a hotel that the stewardesses made sure he got to. They go home.

Mary Anne and my goddess, Mallory: Mr. and Mrs. Pike are taking a trip to New York, and Mary Anne is staying two nights (on school nights) to help Mallory control all the monsters. I'm surprised Richard agreed to this. Someone call Mary Anne's grandma and get her on the first plane to Iowa, this girl is out of control! Anyway, the Pikes gave Mallory a buttload of cash for all their hundreds of children to buy lunch at school, as they only have enough for breakfast and dinner each night. Mrs. Pike should've had the courtesy to go grocery shopping. What are the kids going to do without bologna and Daddy Stew? The kids give each other the Bizzer Sign (!) and Mr. and Mrs. Pike gratefully escape. Should've used a condom, suckers!

Poor Mary Anne has to sleep in Mallory and Vanessa's room. I bet Mallory farts in her sleep. I'm just sayin'. She looks like she rips some nasty ones.

So of course they get stuck in the house and there's hardly any food. Since there's no power, they decide to let the kids eat all the ice cream and shit that would spoil without refrigeration. The next day Logan comes over on his cross country skis with a backpack full of food. Mary Anne's hero! Also, I appreciate the sentiment, but is a packpack really going to feed all of the ravenous Pikes and Mary Anne? Byron, the fat kid, could eat all of that, and the bag, by himself. The Pikes eventually come home, and Mary Anne escapes to her fart and bologna free house.

The girls, and Quint and Logan, have a BSC meeting and Mallory admits that she is very nosy and periodically checks her backyard to see if Stacey is in her house. If she wasn't already winning the Queen of Lameness, this would be the reason to vote for her. The dance hasn't been cancelled, and everyone goes and fun is had by all, including Mallory and Ben, who do red haired people things.

Since the Super Specials have pictures inside, I chose some of my favorites.

Kristy has tight rolled pants AND a scrunchie! The kids all look kind of retarded, and Bart is totes a girl. No wonder Kristy likes him.

Check out the ugly boy in the glasses (not Mallory).

Jeff's face looks weird. I think it's because his head is so misshapen.

No way the contents of that teeny backpack could feed Byron.

Mary Anne needs to wax those brows stat. Mallory is a huge beast girl, but what I'm most distracted by is the child below her. Is that a boy or a girl? And who is it? Nicky has glasses (and I think Vanessa does too) and Margo wouldn't be that much bigger from the other child who I'm guessing is Claire. Ugly genderless mystery child, who are you?

Have you guys ever seen that Playtex bra commercial? They totally look like old lady bras, and this one chick is pulling stuff out of hers and she finds a gummy bear. She looks at it like she'd eat it if the cameras weren't on her, and I laugh every time.


Colette said...

OH MY GOSH! I was thinking about your recent post asking what we would like to see you blog about and I was just about to comment saying I'd love more on the BSC and now I don't have to because you've reviewed Snowbound which like you I adored as a kid - I think being snowbound is sooooo romantic.

For some reason my lasting memory of this book is Kristy's freak out over whether or not she should shave her legs. I'm not entirely sure why this has stuck with me so much but it most certainly has.

The Stacey plot with the random stranger still freaks the hell out of me, serial killer I swear it!

I had the Quint dolls. You should totally blog about them sometime, I can even remember the name of mine, including an argument I had with this stupid old woman who used to sit for us she told me I couldn't call the green Quint Alex because that's not a real name. Oh yeah back on topic; Quint is a freak, when I was 11 I would have been majorly freaked out by any guy who walked through all that snow to be with me.

These illustrations are not in the UK book! I have been deprived of their greatness. What's the deal with Emily-Michelle in that first picture!? Does no-one feed that kid?! And her nappy wtf?! She looks like a cave child. I literally snorted at the ugly boy in the glasses.

I really enjoyed that. More BSC please!!

snappleaddict said...

Don't worry, I picked up 9 BSC books at the thrift store yesterday.

I can't remember the Quints dolls' names, but then again I never liked the names that companies gave their dolls, so I always made up my own. Somehow my set disappeared over the years!

No Super Special illustrations in the UK books? Denied! I too have no idea what is going on with Emily Michelle, and why no one bothered to clothe that kid in wintertime in Connecticut. Dumb!

Here's a site with some differences between the UK and US books:

and here's one with all of the US covers, but sadly no illustrations that were included in the books:

troy steele said...

"The guy's wife fixes Stacey a special diabetes dinner"

The idea that the guy's wife would just happen to be able to whip up a diabetic dish for Stacey is hilariously convenient. One step removed from him knocking on their car window "Hi, I'm a famous diabetic scientist, come to my house and I'll cure you."

snappleaddict said...

You mean to tell me you don't have special food set aside for stranded diabetics?

Jenny said...

My Quints had some fucked up hair--they had little blonde afros. Even wrapping their bulbous heads with string for a couple days didn't flatten that hair...^_^

Yay for BSC reviews. I never read this one, but the super specials were always the best. I loved the skiing trip one and the shipwrecked one. Ah, BSC and your crazy adventures. ^_^

Michelle said...

"The dance hasn't been cancelled, and everyone goes and fun is had by all, including Mallory and Ben, who do red haired people things."

I always wondered how in the world Mallory was able to get a boyfriend but someone who supposedly is "gorgeous with perfect skin" like Claudia could never find a long term boyfriend (until the later books).

"Jessi is all pissed that the snow is all white, and deems it to be racist. Just kidding!"

This is just...well, this made my day. I was always grateful that AMM mentioned in every book that Jessi was black because I forgot every time!! ***Of course, I am being utterly sarcastic.***

Thanks for the update!!

snappleaddict said...

My Quints dolls also had blonde afros. I really don't remember playing with them that much, as I had some Heart Family dolls that were way cuter babies for my Barbies.

It always pissed me off, even at a young age, that we were supposed to be so shocked that Mallory and Jessi were white and black and could be friends. Actually, now that I think about it, maybe we were just supposed to be surprised Mallory had friends at all.

Sophia said...

LOL I think you win against Tiff's snark for the BSC. Win on the comment about Jessi hating the snow because its white.

I was always curious about the state of leg hair for Kristy. Since for some reason God blessed me with really fine almost invisible leg hair that I can get away with not shaving moreso than most people, I should HOPE that Kristy had the same and that was her reason why it was her "first time."

snappleaddict said...

I hope so too, because I was a hairy little beast who had to start shaving in sixth grade, when they made us wear gym uniforms.

Rita said...

Haha "Here's your sign." Love it!
I totally remember Kristy and her limp macaroni hair and her fear of a fuzzy tongue. And Stacey's rotten egg perm. How come I remember stuff like this, which I haven't read in a good 10 years or so, but I can't remember scholarly things that would be useful to know?!

Linda said...

The sad part is that this iteration of Mallory looks exactly like me, circa 1994 (and minus the glasses). It's making me a little sick to my stomach.