Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Vote early, vote often!

Hey everyone! To the right you will see a poll for the lamest character in SVH/BSC. Voting ends sometime in February because that's what the poll was set to and I'm lazy, and we will then crown our Queen of Lameness!

And the nominees are:

Elizabeth Wakefield - Elizabeth's life consists of being her twin Jessica's doormat, writing for The Oracle, and not having sex with her longtime boyfriend Todd. Elizabeth loves to put polos and khakis on her perfect size six figure, and basically is a huge yawn. She likes to stick her nose in everyone's business (Elizabeth Wakefield Buttinsky) and thinks she has to solve everyone's problems. She is also way judgmental. Her best friend is Enid, who is running against her for Queen of Lameness. Saving her from being automatically the Queen are the times when she got in a motorcycle accident and starting slutting it up with Bruce Patman, getting piss drunk at the Jungle Prom (though not intentionally, damn it), having a secret fling with Ken Matthews (Anyone remember that book, because I can't. Or was it just in her diary?), getting fat in college (she's human, guys!), and taking down crazy William White. Elizabeth promises polos with matching barrettes to all if she wins.

Enid Rollins - Oh, Enid. You had to be a druggie ho before you got to SVH, thus never letting us see the cool side of you. Instead of providing comic relief with your drugged up antics, Enid became Elizabeth's sidekick. As if that wasn't bad enough, Enid wasn't even hot like Elizabeth. Enid deserves props for being able to tell the difference between Elizabeth and Margo/Nora, though. If she wins, Enid will make special vitamins for redheads available at your local Dairi Burger!

Penny Ayala - Man, I hate Penny. Enid sucks, and Elizabeth's self-righteousness is annoying, but Penny is a straight up bitch. Penny doesn't give a damn about anything except meeting deadlines for The Oracle. She doesn't show up in the books much, but when she does she is always in the middle of removing the stick from her ass. As far as I know, Penny isn't on any of the covers, nor has she been described in detail, but I always pictured her as Nancy from Degrassi Junior High/High. You know, chubby, mom hair, and a face that's not a day over 30. Either that or she's Joanne, Cloooooooooooode's one friend. She sucks both ways. Penny promises to spellcheck your IM's if she's elected as your queen.


Mallory Pike - With her numerous gross siblings, dates at the card catalog with Ben, braces, grandfather's nose, frizzy red hair, and glasses, Mallory is a shoe-in for the Queen of Lameness. In fact, I don't really have any redeeming qualities about her. Even the other BSC members don't really want to be with her. It's true, read the books closely sometime (I think Kristy says something to that effect on one of the first pages of the first Super Special in the Friends Forever series. I nearly pissed my pants laughing.). Mallory likes to write stories, which can be cool, but the stories she writes are just so stupid. Rainy Days and Froggy Nights, anyone? Even though it's not stated in the books, it's my firm belief that Mallory has B.O., a mustache, and twigs and leaves in her hair. Basically she's a beast. I guess the only good thing she brings to the table is that she's so pathetic that everything she says or does cracks me up. A Mallory book is always a guaranteed comedy! If Mallory wins your votes, she promises to never wear a bikini in public. Hell, she's got my vote!

So get voting, and let's crown our queen!

Degrassi pics from AJ's Degrassi Universe - http://www.fu-manchu.com/degrassi/default.asp

EDIT: Penny does have a cover!

Man she looks like a bitch, you can totally tell she's tapping her foot, too. Snaps for me for guessing the mom hair correctly, and thanks to LadyJ3000 for letting me know about the book! I don't own this one, nor have I read it. I think I need to make my New Year's resolution be to read all the older SVH books (the ones before they all became 2-3 book arcs). Looks like it's time for me to go to the library or thrift stores!


LadyJ3000 said...

Actually they did google number #39 Secret Admirer. And hopefully you'll find a picture. You're right though the cover artist made her look very uptight

Anonymous said...

hysterical! i would have to give elizabeth the vote, but they're all close competition. loved the penny ayala stuff especially!

Lauren said...

I totally voted for Elizabeth Wakefield, because the downfall of Elizabeth Wakefield was my fondest dream as a child. I even bought the entire "Elizabeth" spin-off series off Amazon so I could read about the perfect ice queen losing her virginity. I didn't like Jessica either, but at least I didn't want to slap her all the time.

I must be an incredible dork. Mallory was always my favorite BSC character when I was growing up. The Mallory books are my favorites. I'm so ashamed!

snappleaddict said...

Did she lose the v-card in those books? I'll totally read them if she did.

Oddly enough, even though Claudia was my favorite BSC member, I loved the Mallory books the best. I attribute it to the fact that they are just so unintentionally hilarious. I mean, just look at the cover of Mallory Hates Boys (And Gym). You know you suck when the kid with the Budnick cut is pointing at you and laughing.

LadyJ3000 said...

You're welcome. Good luck in search for the older SVH books