Anyway, even though I watched the show when I was little, I never could figure out when it was on, and my family wouldn't tell me because I think they'd die if they heard the theme song coming from my Dawn and the Dream Boy tape one more time. So, some of these episodes on tape I may be seeing for the first time.
Oh yeah, and the theme song? Still know all the words.
You can always count on me
And I can count on you
Good times, bad times, in between
My friends will see me through
We'll be sharing wonderful times everyday
All together singing our song, growing in every way
Say hello to your friends
And so on and so forth.
Okay, so here's my first viewing of episode #1 Mary Anne and the Brunettes!
Holy crap, all the actresses are so young looking compared to the later eps. Kristy's voice is still annoying, though ("Mary Aaaanne"). Some other things that bothered me about the actresses were that Claudia doesn't look Japanese at all, Kristy has braces in some episodes, Stacey's hair is hideous, and Jessi looks more biracial, even though the books remind us every time that she's black. I almost forgot, though. Mallory is perfection, as usual. Well, if perfection means you have a huge fro and even bigger glasses, then she's exquisite. I have to take a screencap and make it the background of this blog.
OMG, Logan! So ugly! He has some crappy bowl cut type thing going on, and an even crappier accent. Anyway, the club is going to the mall with Logan. Kristy and Logan go off to do manly things and catch the eyes of three hos at the makeup counter. I guess the hos are the equivalent of Cokie, Grace, and the other one, but they're named something else in the show. Damn it, Cokie's my ho, too.
So Main Ho tells Logan she's getting skates for her birthday and wantds to know his opinion on them. Logan is a hick so he doesn't know anything about skates, but Main Ho insists. She flirts with him and gets him to meet her later on. Kristy pauses in swinging baseball bats and overhears everything.
Sometime later the club is all rollerskating at this outdoor thing, and Kristy tells Mary Anne about Main Ho's evil plans. But wait! Main Ho skates up and asks Mary Anne where Logan is, because he was supposed to meet her there at 2. Ouch! Stacey, Claudia, and Dawn name the 3 hos the Brunettes, not because they have brown hair (they do), but because they're fans of Logan Bruno. Shut up, Stacey, Claudia, and Dawn. Kristy convinces them all to spy on Logan and Main Ho.
School library! Kristy, Stacey, her ugly perm, and Claudia are spying on Logan and Main Ho from behind a bookshelf, except all the books in front of their faces are removed and they're not even whispering, so it's totes obvs. Logan is showing Main Ho some math problems or something. Scandalous!
There's some useless scene where Dawn makes her chemistry thing bubble and overflow. No idea why it's there, but I laughed my ass off.
Outside of school, Kristy is trying to convince Mary Anne to confront Logan about Main Ho. Um, Kristy? You're talking to Mary Anne, here. She doesn't confront anyone. Mallory hangs around them in hopes to catch some normal facial features. No such luck.
Mary Anne is sitting in her room, practicing what she's going to say to Logan. She sucks at it, and I laugh. Forget the speech, Mary Anne, and just be like, "Hey, Logan, what's up with you and Main Ho?" Short, sweet, and to the point. I win. Dawn comes in and blabbers on about how happy she is that they're sisters and blah blah blah.
Logan asks Mary Anne the next day if she wants him to babysit with her. She acts like a huge bitch and tells him that he'd rather go to the party with Main Ho, so he should forget about babysitting with her. Mary Anne needs some Midol.
Big sign announcing that this scene is the Stoneybrook Middle School Carnival! Yay! Wait, why are all the little kids there, then? I'd only let Jackie Rodowsky in because he's played by Little Pete, but that's just me. Claudia paints faces of little kids, including making Little Pete the Joker from Batman. She should've made him Artie. Everyone plays some dumb games, including this one where they pass apples to people using their necks. I totally thought everyone was making out at first, no joke. Then I saw the apples and was sorely disappointed. Main Ho passes her apple to Logan as Mary Anne glares in the background. Then there's some game where you have to throw pies at Mallory. No, seriously! This is the best game ever! As Mary Anne comes up, Main Ho tells her that Logan is a good kisser. She ends up with a pie in the face! Holy crap, it was awesome! I had to rewind the tape and watch it again. Everyone laughs, including me and the other two hos.
Mary Anne babysitting Little Pete and his brothers. Logan stops by and wrestles with Little Pete and Mary Anne bitches about how he just had a big snack and Logan should've asked before barging in and wrestling. Easy there, killer! Logan says maybe he'll go the party then, and Mary Anne says maybe he should. He leaves, and Little Pete, who is seven, asks Mary Anne if she likes Logan then why did she tell him to leave? It's sad when a seven year old is thinking more intelligently than you.
For some reason the club and the hos are at a park or something. The hos are dressed as hippies, and the BSC are all football players. Bet Kristy had nothing to do with that one. Also, why did Stacey agree to this costume? She has a helmet over her massive perm and everything. I'm so sure. The BSC tells off the hos for something and sprays them with a hose. Main Ho is not having a good day, what with a pie in the face and now a hose. Haha, hose for the hos! Shut up.
Logan stops by the Rodowskys, but Little Pete says that Mary Anne left 15 minutes ago. I love you, Danny Tamberelli.
The BSC heads over to the aforementioned party. The football uniform isn't doing anything for Mallory's feminity. Mary Anne arrives at the party first and asks Main Ho if Logan is there. Main Ho says Logan's a jerk and he stood her up. After seeing the party, which consists of a bunch of nerdy looking kids dancing outside to random techno-y 90s music in mid-afternoon, I don't blame him. He probably went to go watch Nascar or something.
The club stops by the Rodowskys and asks for Mary Anne. Little Pete tells them they just missed her. He's missing his two front teeth. Awwww.
Mary Anne and Logan run into each other, literally, outside. Logan is looking hot in his acid wash jean jacket and purple collared shirt. Not. They walk and talk and make up and it's all completely 8th grade and therefore lame. Logan's teeth are very large and yellow. They agree to always talk about their feelings and crap. The club comes running around the corner with Kristy screaming that Logan is a rat. She stops when she sees him and eats her words. All is well now in Stoneybrook, and the episode ends. Theme song!
Holy crap, if I had seen that episode before any of the others, even my 7 year old self would've given up on the show. This sucked hardcore, but still not as bad as Dawn Saves the Trees.
EDIT: Holy crap, I found screencaps! They, and many many others, can be found at http://www.dibbly-fresh.com/
Here are some of my favorites!
Non-Japanese Claudia, Stacey, and Stacey's hair
The 3 Hos. Main Ho is the one with her eyes closed.
I totally don't see Stacey and Claudia spying on Logan and Main Ho!
Kristy, Claudia, Stacey, Jessi, and Dawn in their football uniforms
Main Ho taking a pie to the face
And last, but not least...
Mallory (and Stacey)